Wednesday, September 22, 2010

after the stromy rain today, the sun shone so bright

running today
i wish i had my camera, of course
the most perfect overly tanned man drug a rusty tractor across the land
the tire rims were a crusty, mold green color
the body: a burnt orange, faded and cracked
it looked wonderful against the monstrous mountains
with sunflowers in the foreground

oh well
i kept running
kayne's "stronger" comes on, naturally
"that that don't kill me can only make me stronger"
and i'm thinking of wolff's law

I learn about wolff's law all day long
wolff's law says, our bodies will respond to the stresses placed upon it
now this doesn't always mean that the response will always be positive or stronger, the stress could very well break a bone for instance
(this is the reason why the elderly for instance need to be exercising, and lifting lightly-correctly-to strengthen their bones. speaking of bones—in america we hit our physical peak from 23-25. oh hell. i feel like i should do something great with this peak. what pressure!! bear children? climb mount everest? run another marathon? gah. i'm going to be depressed when i hit 27 and haven't accomplished any of those...)

but i love this law
i love thinking about it while working out
i take longer strides
stretch my stomach
push forward
watch my form

i tell myself im strong
i'm getting stronger
and i thought about wolf's law, and kayne's lyrics

that which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger
i see this in my life, not just my workouts, but i see this in dealing with the anguish i have had about chad, dealing with a divorce (or two?), moving, confronting problems, break ups, financial lows, sin, sickness, starting a business, joining the church, beginning personal training

i'm finding myself coming out of a long spiritual rut, where i knew i wasn't reaching my potential
where i knew i wasn't fully happy
where i knew i wasn't doing any good for anyone else
and i knew i would come out stronger when i turned around
or woke up
or made changes

and i'm stronger than ever
and i love my past
sounds terrible, honestly, but it has unfolded me into who i am today

happy and strong and healthy and moving in the right direction

here are some very happy lyrics i heard on pandora today: (im loving pandora, type in XX as your next station...really do it)

"happy is the heart that still feels pain
darkness drains and light will come again
swing open up your chest and let it in
just let the love, love, love begin"
—ingrid michaelson "everybody"

so i kept running
and pushed it harder
and exercised positive self talk : i told myself i was proud of where i am
and proud of my changes
and proud to be thinking clearly and happily

and then a bug flew into my mouth
and i thought, "that that doesn't kill me can only make me stronger"
and i swallowed the thing.

1 comment:

Tiana said...

I feel like your life is fake. That's how beautifully everything comes across! All intertwined and connecting and intellectual. When I run I just think about how much I deserve the process because of the stupid bite of snickers I had or the chocolate chip cookie that I let slip between my lips or the calories I inadvertently must have ingested just by THINKING of a hot dog. ugh. Maybe I need a Utah run, bugs here are filthy.

p.s. I stress out about that physical peak each and every day! We must begin training for SOMEthing!