Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Jayden turns two

you can't change the fruit without changing the root

dear blog,

i just received the best gift i have ever been given
it was from my girlfriend stacy
tears swelled in my eyes and i am so happy

i will share later what it is..
for now, i will share my dreams

dream #1
kristy, my sister, and i were shopping
i was shopping for sunglasses in this higher end outdoor shopping mall
i walked through the store and saw leather bracelets and thought josh needed them
i looked at watches through the glass, the lady tried to help me
but they didnt have what i wanted to kristy and i started running to the next store
but she got distracted in the courtyard where several restaurants joined together
people were walking around drinking and i called for her to come with me
but she kept talking to people
then my friend, buhler, walked by in a soccer uniform and socks and said, "sup des"
and i said, "whats up"
and then he kept walking
then all the sudden we were late because i had to go to the airport
so i started running and calling for my sister to follow
and i ran half way across the street when i turned to make sure kristy was following
but she wasnt so i stopped in the middle of the road
and cars started speeding around me, going in every direction
i could feel the wind, they almost hit me
then bombs started going off
and i woke up

dream #2
much more vague
i really loved this one though
i dreamt that i got a box delivered
inside this box was EVERYTHING i have ever lost, or have looked for
the box was neverending, literally
it was like a black hole, like santas sack of gifts
i found missing socks and all my earrings that i only have one of currently
i found things i didn't even realize i had lost
it was the BEST feeling ever to have all these things again

and i find this symbolic
or maybe i am crazy

it's time for me to go dream again,
see ya

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

1:30am trail mix and root beer

this is jon and janelle
they're having baby camron cuilla in october!
and i CAN'T wait to hold the lil thing

it's really late
and i have been procrastinating a paper on the effects of varying amounts of pronation on mediolateral ground reaction forces during barefoot vs shod running

yea, i know
im actually really interested in it..hmm

goodnight people.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

it was all so perfect

he's sleeping next to me
and im luckiest girl in the world
and its all so surreal
and we've carefully handed our hearts to the other
and i thought, please be careful with it

it's never been like this
and he held me to my favorite love song
and we ate pizza at a waterfall
and we spent all weekend on a fall colored quilt
and his heartbeat faster
and i couldn't stop smiling

Friday, September 24, 2010


it's not mine. don't freak my buddy, kris, he is wonderful and he bought a girl a ring. and he prayed and came to the realization that she is in fact, THE ONE. and i am so very happy for them.
kris already booked the temple. and i find that so cute.
kris and i got to the airport 20 minutes before the plane was to land.
we speed walked to the security lady, with photos of her kids pinned to her shirt, and she rushed us to southwest desk to get passes to go to the gate
they did it in 3 minutes flat
kris was nervous but kept his cool
my stomach was doing flips, i was a lil shakey
but we jet through security and raced up the stairs
once at the gate, he found random people to hold special signs for Brenna
as the plane unloaded cramped people, the anticipation built
holding my camera, i was shaking
kris didn't stop moving
or smiling
she must have been the last person off that flight
and after he called out to her, he got on one knee
and i wish i could have heard the sweet words he said, but i was busied snapping aw
she said yes, people clapped, and the lady made an announcement on the intercom, then brenna walked down the aisles and showed everyone her gorgeous ring..
and now theyre in love
and now theyre going to be sealed in the temple
and this is awesome
my favorite image. oh hello guy. you ARE the most important thing in this photo..

her mouth

i love airports.

and there it is
theyre getting married in december

i was the happiest girl all day
after squealing and jumping at their engagement
so lovely

i have circus photos to share and pregnant photos to share and little boy photos to share
but i am all so busy
but i DO have one last surprise

SO yesterday was a wretched day
i bolted straight up in bed at 8:20, "oh no. yea, that test is in 40 minutes."
i scurried to school with a headache to take a test
went to class
then straight to work here i proceeded to make 25 dollars in 5 hours.. did you read that correctly? kill me please.
THEN i came home and showered, thinking the worst of the day was over,
but lo and behold i squirt a motherload of superglue all over both hands
i screamed and threw my ring (that i was gluing) and spread all my fingers out and stood there..
decided what i could do...
i just ran my hands under cold water..
super frustrated—pulling my ring that is now glued to the carpet, off—
i get a text reading, "go to your door RIGHT NOW!!"
note i JUST got out of the shower, and im in my towel..
i peek through the hole and make sure no one is there..
i open the door quickly—
and scream

a woman walks up the stairs..i apologize for being in a towel and she says she won't tell
my smile must be ripping through my face
i'm the happiest girl alive and i squeal again
one hand holding the towel, one hand dragging my gift in

i love it so very much
he made it with his own hands
and he made it for me
it IS a giant chalk board
i want to cry i love it so much
ooh and the ribbon and bow were so cute!!
and the ruby red painted frame
and the colorful chalk
OH its so perfect

and i think to myself, who is telling him exactly what i love?
tiana, are you feeding him courting advice?
it scares me how wonderful he is
quick someone pinch me

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

after the stromy rain today, the sun shone so bright

running today
i wish i had my camera, of course
the most perfect overly tanned man drug a rusty tractor across the land
the tire rims were a crusty, mold green color
the body: a burnt orange, faded and cracked
it looked wonderful against the monstrous mountains
with sunflowers in the foreground

oh well
i kept running
kayne's "stronger" comes on, naturally
"that that don't kill me can only make me stronger"
and i'm thinking of wolff's law

I learn about wolff's law all day long
wolff's law says, our bodies will respond to the stresses placed upon it
now this doesn't always mean that the response will always be positive or stronger, the stress could very well break a bone for instance
(this is the reason why the elderly for instance need to be exercising, and lifting lightly-correctly-to strengthen their bones. speaking of bones—in america we hit our physical peak from 23-25. oh hell. i feel like i should do something great with this peak. what pressure!! bear children? climb mount everest? run another marathon? gah. i'm going to be depressed when i hit 27 and haven't accomplished any of those...)

but i love this law
i love thinking about it while working out
i take longer strides
stretch my stomach
push forward
watch my form

i tell myself im strong
i'm getting stronger
and i thought about wolf's law, and kayne's lyrics

that which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger
i see this in my life, not just my workouts, but i see this in dealing with the anguish i have had about chad, dealing with a divorce (or two?), moving, confronting problems, break ups, financial lows, sin, sickness, starting a business, joining the church, beginning personal training

i'm finding myself coming out of a long spiritual rut, where i knew i wasn't reaching my potential
where i knew i wasn't fully happy
where i knew i wasn't doing any good for anyone else
and i knew i would come out stronger when i turned around
or woke up
or made changes

and i'm stronger than ever
and i love my past
sounds terrible, honestly, but it has unfolded me into who i am today

happy and strong and healthy and moving in the right direction

here are some very happy lyrics i heard on pandora today: (im loving pandora, type in XX as your next station...really do it)

"happy is the heart that still feels pain
darkness drains and light will come again
swing open up your chest and let it in
just let the love, love, love begin"
—ingrid michaelson "everybody"

so i kept running
and pushed it harder
and exercised positive self talk : i told myself i was proud of where i am
and proud of my changes
and proud to be thinking clearly and happily

and then a bug flew into my mouth
and i thought, "that that doesn't kill me can only make me stronger"
and i swallowed the thing.

yes, that JUST happened

i accidently pressed the button to take a photobooth image..the computer count down, and i couldnt deny it a sweet face..

we laid and did not get up until five hours had passed
and we laughed
and contemplated metal objects
and i remembered my great grandma
and he smiled so big when i attempted funny eyebrow things
and we chatted
and i fell asleep
and i awoke
and giggled some more
and i tell him, let's do this everyday

these are the best days

and im still getting my things done. i know it sounds like im whisked away falling in love all the time. but i'm still getting my duties did, just with a fatty grin now.

i read in my book the other day...
"Trust: It's the feeling of safeness you have with another human being."

Monday, September 20, 2010

several times i wrote, "i dont want to forget today"

my face
i stole these today..

do you love my new kicks?
do you love them with pokeys everywhere?
cuz i don't

i run by this field several times a week
it is beautiful and i always smile
and today i wished i had taken a picture of these ladies but i didn't
and then i regretted it
and i didn't want the wild sunflower season to pass me by without placing some in my room
so i went out
even though i had 8 other things that needed doing

those ladies:
in the airport today, a sweet woman spoke to me about how her husband was suppose to propose to her when her horse was being delivered. he made a banner to hang around the horse and he was suppose to buy flowers, but timing was off.
so she told him to propose to her while they were in russia at some square
and he did
and she has been married 30 years and she seemed just as giddy as day one...
then her mother, in a wheel chair next to her, with dark ruby lipstick on,
said, "that's better than a man proposing in a letter!" i thought this is all so romantic.. i leaned in and she told me how her husband was stationed in guam and that he had to ask her via snail mail.
could you imagine the anticipation for him?
poor sucker.
romantic sucker.

so i've had a pretty day.
i ate black berries and learned about rickets and other calcium deficiency diseases..
yesterday i wrote "accepting hardships is the pathway to peace"
i wrote "it is undeniable"
i wrote "you know enough"

the day before that i lounged in a warm pool and waited for the sun to fall
and we talked about scary things and happy things and got the chills
i wish i could tivo my memories
more than anything

Sunday, September 19, 2010

the AA prayer

God, grant us the...
Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

the day

i shot my first gun...

other recent firsts:
--camping (can you believe it? it was kind of a warm up though. i had a sweet tent and breakfast already made for me..)
—stepping in dog poop barefoot
—attending a rodeo (i love the bull riding..and the wrestling)
—and now, shooting a gun and not just A gun, like 3 guns

and soon a circus! gah! oh the photo possibilities!

im pretty hard core and everything now

weeee!! my arm is so tired
does this face make you swoon like it does me??

yes, i liked it.

ashley and tony
pictures of his arms.

utah is pretty.

oh and don't worry mom
the men were safe about it all
i even hit a a soda can that was so far away, i couldn't even see it WITH my glasses on that good

and this is all so fun