Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Close to you

I have really been blessed by super amazing people in my life.

'search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.' D&C 90:24
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Saturday, January 28, 2012


the dashing will perkins..

it has been days since i've taken a photograph. i don't like that.
i have felt in less control lately. last night i cried to Heavenly Father to make me light.
strange how one real negative thing, floods all sad and painful feelings from the past—to the surface.

today i choose to be lighter. today i choose to be happy.

"forward motion love. this gets you closer to where you want to be. this is part of you winning. tigers blood. don't let it drain you, its time for a second wind. right?"

“I am not saying you shouldn’t be very careful about something as significant and serious as marriage. … Yes, there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. You can find an apartment. You can win over your mother-in-law. You can sell your harmonica and therein fund one more meal. It’s been done before. Don’t give in. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness.He wants everyone to be miserable like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. ‘Cast not away therefore your confidence.’ Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.” Elder Holland

don't give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness

Friday, January 27, 2012

so we make perfect shapes

i did a sad interpretive dance to this song in my neon pink sports bra while the shower was running.

this is how my week has been.

joshua told me i'm not broken.

it's funny the kind of power our minds have.
how we choose to look at things. how simply words can change things.
how we can fall apart or feel like we can conquer the world with a change of thought.

i pondered the other day how young people (middle school/high school) choose their dates/boyfriend/girlfriend based off attraction right? being attracted to that person creates this "liking" within you. a relationship forms from this.
THEN you get big. like me.
and you start having the thought that the guy you're probably attracted to-- isn't even nice.

SO when you get to be a big girl--- and add up the number of attraction-based boys that have broken your pretty lil heart— you begin to realize that any initial "liking" is only that. it doesn't mean anything at all.
i can't decide if it is good or bad, but i have started to see relationships much more business like. sure-yes-chemistry and connection is necessary but that seems to be easier to come by than the real important parts. parts like real life communication skills. parts like a testimony in Jesus Christ and a love for the gospel. parts like patience and gentleness and a desire to improve always.

these thoughts are rather messy.
they really look simple in my mind.
all of this sounds like im reading an awful lot into this. i agree. it's been on my mind this week. not only am i teaching a lesson on marriage but i soon turn 25 and my ex is getting married. somehow all of this is related.
and has blessed me with a terrible mood.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


DO what YOU love.

this videographer got me inspired today.
mum sent me a sweet video he does of his wife while shes preggo. super adorable. not only do i wish for her pretty offspring, but also her rad bangs.

i might have to wake up every morning and watch these to remind me to follow my dreams. fulfill my passions. to live. really live.

back to the topic at hand— his other videos cover the passion in individuals lives. you know im all about this.
and as my life has been less than dreamy lately, i needed to hear/see this.

it's hypocritical of me but i have had this thought:
i have little to zero sympathy for people lately. i don't feel bad for you. i don't feel bad because I see that its your choices to get you where you are. stuck in a pickle? i don't care. unChristlike of me??? eh? we have the choice to respond to people/circumstances/life/the weather/our "fate" (does that really exist?) however we want to.

there are somethings in my life that are out of my realm of influence.
like my ex husband getting married.
like the pimples on my face.
like people choosing to believe in Jesus Christ.
like who will see and choose to hire me.
like my hair growing faster.
like winning the lottery.

i can ONLY do what i CAN do.
i do the best. i give what i can. i make the best possible decisions.
i try to have the most open mind frame and Christlike perspective.
i consider all options. i be realistic with myself.
and i do what i can do.

the rest isn't up to me.
and when everyone else decides what they're gunna do…
i'll try to react my best from that point and further.

today i choose to be happy.
i choose to listen to happy music. i choose to take a photo.
i choose to eat fattening food with lucy dunn. i choose to feel pretty in my skin.
i choose to exercise and have a strong body.
today, i choose to live the life I WANT.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

seal you his

dear today,

play nice huh?


I opened the scriptures randomly and read this: "Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immoveable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life, through the wisdom, and power, and justice, and mercy of him who created all things, in heaven and in earth, who is God above all." Mosiah 5:15

High pitched noises

A recent job application asked, 'what do you find humorous ?'

After wondering what they are looking for with this odd question.. I seriously considered it. And came up with nothing appropriate for a job application.

What would you say?
I just witnessed a man riding his bike through the snowy street (its been snowing the past 3 days...) And as he tried to make a turn, he skid out through the slush and fell.
I died of laughter.
Ill never get hired.
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Monday, January 23, 2012

Pity party for one

Im sitting at my kitchen table
Eating chinese take out
Listening to the clock tick
What seems to be a rather fast tick.
Im burping from my pepsi and wondering if I climbed and ran long enough today to still loose weight after these calories.
I note to myself: no dessert.
Then my mind begins to consider if I should de-friend everyone that has children from my facebook cause I am so sick of daily updates on their bundles of joy.
Then I contemplate how chopsticks were first invented.
Next I thought about how I could nicely tell all the people my age that have babies not to sit and give me pregnancy/baby advice when [if] I ever get pregnant, as if they were now experts.
Finally I decide im not being very Christlike and I want to cry and fall asleep.
The words float through my mind, 'this is but a small moment, this too shall pass'

Life is good.
Im becoming a fake it til you make it professional.
Someone hire me.
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Its funny, the things I learn.

It has taken me 25 years to learn that just because you love someone, doesnt mean anything.
It doesn't mean its meant to be.
It doesn't mean they love you back, or even care.
It also doesn't mean its worth investing in.

Its merely a trick your heart plays on your mind.
And you have to distinguish the two.
And you have to keep waiting until they agree. With honesty.

The cake was good though.
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Friday, January 20, 2012

Can you spot yourself?

As I finished this lil photo project on my bedroom wall, the house smelled like chocolate cake and the song 'all you need is love' spilled from my computer. It is all you need.
Some of my favorite images. Mostly of people I really love. Getting to do what I love.
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Thursday, January 19, 2012


" For verily I say unto you, that great things await you. " D&C 45:62

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

first yourself, then others

resolutions seem to be too black and white. too pass or fail.
this is not realistic as human beings. we mess up.
failure will come sometimes. and thats ok.
pick yourself up and try again. you can do anything for a day.

i've decided to consider my mission statement as i created my goals. i also decided to consider the four key aspects of a being: mind, body, spirit, heart. i decided that i would create my goals, then consider HOW to accomplish them—what route to take. and then incorporate those details (the HOW) into my daily life. just a way to break down goals that could seem overwhelming.
2012 will be a great year.
i can taste it.

MISSION STATEMENT: overcome the natural man. create synergy. inspire belief.

-understand the WHY (ask why, seek to understand things you do not know or believe)
-be positive (less complaining, switch negative thoughts for a positive one)
-learn italian
-be ladylike
-take time to explore books, read more
-diminish gossip, negative thoughts and talk of others
-seek learning opportunities
-consider everything (give all things a chance)

-clean up language
-do the splits
-improve: rock climbing, salsa & west coast dancing, & yoga
-get certified ACSM, Zumba & renew certs
-get a bike (start cycling!)
-half marathon (provo MAY)
-photograph at least 7 weddings (new gear! new website!)
-pay off credit card before June
-shoot film in 2012!
-improve upper back posture (pinch scapulas! incorporate into gym workouts, yoga)
-hike Timp
-cook more often (seek new recipes)
-try something new (and scary)
-running 5 x week (improve distance, 8 mi +)
-see either: grand canyon, yosemite, or yellowstone
-create: do something each day to create, fulfill that need and passion, complete art projects list

-become more Christlike (study his life, his attributes, pray, actively work on it, teach others it)
-consistent in DAILY scripture study (set a time planned on each day, do it even if it is just a couple verses) study: book of mormon, finish the infinite atonement, mark up teaching: no greater call
-be a light!
-pray 2x a day on knees
-temple every 2 weeks
-magnify calling (step outside comfort zone, prepare spiritually, serve diligently, pray for inspiration)
-have courage to share the gospel (bear testimony often!)

-use people's names when communicating
-actively listen to others
-create a home that is positive and full of love, where the Spirit may reside
-give the best of my flock (be selfless, think of others first)
-be realistic in relationships (who you are, who they are, expectations, obstacles..)
-express love often
-be kind and thoughtful in word
-compliment others
-don't finish other's sentences
-don't date projects

Monday, January 16, 2012

on answers.

"For if ye would harken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray."
2 Nephi 32:8

I have recently learned something. An ah-ha! moment.
concerning prayer.

i've heard many people say, "my prayers aren't answered. i ask but i don't hear any answers."
and such things
i pondered this the other day. i have certainly had times in my life where i pleaded in prayer and asked important questions to me. and i too have had times where i have not felt that my prayer was heard, or that i somehow wasn't being given an answer.

scriptures reveal to us that "Whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do…" John 14:13 our Heavenly Father will grant unto us that which we ask of Him.

sometimes we miss out on seeing, hearing, and feeling that answer to our prayer when we are not in tune.
And this is what I learned yesterday: The most important aspect of prayer could very well be putting ourselves in a position to hear the answer.
we have to be close to the Spirit to be able to distinguish His promptings, inspiration, His "still small voice".
the answers DO come so subtly. they are quiet. one must make oneself sensitive to His Spirit.

With full confidence I can say that Heavenly Father does answer our prayers. He does guide us and show us the path. He wants us to be happy and receive the blessings he is waiting to bestow upon us. BUT you have to put yourself in the position to receive such answers.

How can we make ourselves more sensitive to the Holy Ghost?
This question should be pondered and considered on an individual level. We all have things in our personal lives that we can change to become more in tune with the Spirit. Some of these things may include:
-scripture study (immediately brings the Spirit!)
-uplifting and clean music, tv shows, movies, language, books
-pray (always! set goals, morning and night on your knees, before meals, etc.)
-strive to develop Christlike attributes (be loving, charitable, kind, forgiving, soft spoken, honest)
-serve others
-follow the commandments, obedience
-repent (seek to change your imperfections, work on your weaknesses)
-love (even those that are most difficult to love!)
-choose to be in places that invite the Spirit and don't take you away from it
-choose to be around people that uplift you and bring you closer to your savior
-listen to hymns & mormon tabernacle choir
-control your thoughts (keep them clean, positive, and dwell on the gospel often)
-acknowledge the ways God has blessed you
-dress appropriately (wearing immodest clothing can quickly take the Spirit away from you and others who view you)
-have images of the savior around your home
-share your testimony of the savior and gospel principles with others
-pray to have the Spirit with you

I know that striving to live a life where you feel God's Spirit more often will bring you joy. Feeling of his presence, his love for you, and his guidance is such a peaceful and warm feeling. When I am in tune with the Spirit, I know that I am doing his will, helping the people that i need to help, and on the right track in my personal life. I am grateful for this Spirit. for the ways that it led me to ask questions about the Mormon church. for the truth that has been revealed to me through it.

I am so very blessed to have this tool and knowledge. I am thankful for this third member of the Godhead to reveal to us Heavenly Father's will. I am grateful that revelation can be received by all who call upon the Lord in prayer.

He does care about all our worries and concerns. He does hear our prayers and he does answer them. We must put ourselves in alignment with his gospel to be in the position to hear though. I invite you to make changes to be happier. to have this warmth in your life.

have a happy tuesday, i'm going to watch a love movie with my dear gentleman.

Saturday, January 14, 2012


utah lake, mid winters dream
near naked
human ice sculpture
it was tragic

i have been spending all month really considering my goals for this year.
i don't like to create resolutions. just that word seems to hold hands with the term: failure.
i will compile my conclusions this weekend.

what a weird spot i am in my life. such a strange in between. and it feels right.
there is balance.

lately my life consists of:
-sleeping in
-dancing late at night
-eating out with my boy, danny
-nail polish
-stomach pain
-worrying about friends
-learning more about the gospel
-making loud noises as i struggle during my runs at the gym
-photo taking
-boots and leggings
-dark berry jelly

Life is real wonderful.
so very blessed.

" It should be no surprise that as we become more godlike we become more powerful. Knowledge bring power; purity brings power; love brings power. "
—— The Infinite Atonement, Tad R. Callister

Saturday, January 7, 2012

here & now

all things about you are changeable.

no one else can change you, no one else can make your decisions, the reality of your life is no one else's fault- but your own.

what will you decide to make happen this year? what will become of you? what do YOU want?

create your life
your adventure
you choose.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


You dont have to like all things, but you should open your mind to all things
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TOP 5 OF 2011:

1. dancing- i never knew how happy i could be
2. wyatt james- my sweet nephew coming into this world
3. graduating college- horray!
4. miss lucy dunn- beginning our friendship, the amazing support she is to me
5. understanding my purpose- feeling defined, feeling like i own my skin, feeling in control

on the first of 2012, i met these pretty fellas..