Thursday, February 26, 2009

Dear Blog

i've decided that i want to write a book.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

the rare girly in me

i got on the computer tonight thinking that i had nothing to say.
found it weird that i havn't had much to say lately.

but i've had a splendid week of time off due to this terrible virus i have hoarding up my nose and throat.

but here i am writing. i've been inspired and touched by a lady. i don't personally know her. i have recently followed her blog through another photographer. her name is sheye. read this article of her blog if you get the chance. well worth a minute or two.

tears are running down my face. there is a combonation of being tired, the song that is filtering through my headphones, and the movie i watched yesterday. after read miss sheye's blog tonight, i am just overcome with passion.

yesterday i watched the movie
the dutchess
which is somewhat of a chic flick i suppose, but it is terribly wonderful and passionate.
the connection between the movie and sheye's blog about her poor lost daughter, is motherhood. i could go off for days in endless tangents about motherhood, like most things that i am passionate about. but after watching that movie and reading sheye's feelings today my heart just wants to burst. it's interesting because i am not yet a mother, and i could still connect and feel so much of the pain and sadness that these women endure.
the yearning. the divinity of motherhood. the impossible love.
i don't think there could be a greater role in life.
having children, being a mother, will be the greatest blessing of all.

i am inspired by sheye. her strength. for the amazingly talented and wonderful mother that she is. i hope i can be the kind of mother that she is.

"so you dance all night, and dance all day"

Sunday, February 15, 2009

caleb the baby

this is caleb at 2 months! he's the sweetest and loveliest little boy!

Friday, February 13, 2009

inspired by jewels

twelve years ago today

i was getting a valentine from the boy of my dreams
a soccer player
with bangs
and the cutest smile

ben whalen
its was one of those little cartoon cards that he slipped into my brown bag with a lamely pasted doilley on it

it had a squrriel on it
and it read, "im nuts about you"

it was the best day ever

twelve years later: i realize every girl got one of these from ben.... later i would grow to hate bens... hah.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


the most dreaded day of the yearrrrrrrrrr.
its like gettin punched in the heart once a year.
on top of the usual ache.

so i saw this on yahoo news today... places to avoid when single on valentines: olive garden. where will single desiree be on valentines day? olive garden. =] awesome

10 must-avoid sports for singles on Valentines Day

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

and those that i blush away

i have a project. i don't know that anyone else will enjoy this but im stoked as hell to compose this diddy. i don't even know what that means. anyway-- i just finished a journal. i probably have about 12 journals, i think i began journaling when i was in the 2nd grade. thats probably about the time that i could compose a sentence? and look at me, 12 journals later, and i still exercise my right to free-write my run on (and on) sentences. =]

so heres my personal project:: i am going to take pieces (lines or words or phrases) from this last journal [which i began in january 2008,minus a couple months where i didnt have anything to say, and ended january2009) and i am going to state them. in the past i have arranged pieces like this into a poem but i don't quite have the energy, patience, and time for that tonight. so enjoy my favorite lines from the past year...

i am one lucky girl. and don't i know it.
he's wonderfully hairy.
i don't even cry any more. am i numb to heartache?
i should sleep. and read. and probably 100 other things.
im grateful for every heartbreak and every trial i have overcome.
im officially divorced.
i got my eyes and ears in tune.
i think love is a mean dirty trick.
AND another one bites the dust.
tell the world who you are, not let it shape who you become
I should shower.
but somehow he tricked me into recomitting.
settle this in your hearts: spiritual power, inspiration, revelation: hope
i know how bad it hurts. it's like me trying to cross busy streets. i'm hesitant.
hearts knit together
ugggg. yes! i always write here when im in a crappy mood.
i have several great books sitting next to me. i wish i had all day to read.
"you can borrow my light a little while longer"
and the violin plays...
our divine architect
my guiding star
i accidently sprayed canned air/duster junk on my leg and burned it pretty good.
don't find fault
"you don't know everything, but you know enough"
simple treasures
mom says they all are at first
stood out with bright flashing warning signs that wouldn't free my brain
the words--a look. we connect. and that is rare.
and i somehow lived without the internet for a week!
my journal is here to vent to when my thoughts are getting tangled among themselves
and our non-dates are cute
now we have a black president
love who we ARE and not what we have
one bad thought quickly spirals downhill with a full load of bad thoughts; its exhausting to me
it's been 5 years, but it seems so fresh
we laugh a lot. and play. and eat. and i love his presence.
the will to win is nothing without the will to prepare
and simply accepted the cards that life has dealt me
who needs a boyfriend when you got photography?
but its like running downhill...with your best friend...and a red balloon. thats the best way to describe it
and i trust that God has a lovely plan for me full of joy, kisses, and purple walls. oh, and a soft bed.
it is the treasures of our hearts that make us attractive
see the miracle and not the coincidence
he makes me smile, the kind that starts at my toes-the tap in my foot, the lock in my knee
like earths most warmest waters filling me up
the rest of the room disappears
seek something of greater worth

ahh. now im pooped. that was fun. i'm going to read then sleep.

Monday, February 9, 2009


meet the lovebirds.
the most loving of all birds.
my buddy sam and his girl, danielle, met up with me to shoot around capitola one beautiful sunsetty evening.
=] i have much more to say but i just ran 8 miles and i am starving.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

in the palm of your hands

this morning, or maybe last night, i had a dream.

i was marrying the man of my dreams.
[people that know me, probably think i have this dream often, BUT truly--i never have this dream. it is funny that i had it at this time in my life.]

i usually dream this dream wide awake--where it seems surreal. but i had the pleasure of believing it for even just a brief time.
he had dark hair and he was perfectly imperfect.

i couldn't or didn't recognize his face. --i don't remember.
but his voice was sound. and everything was white.
it was my actual wedding day.

and he came to me that day, and the walls were blue in that room. and he asked me if i wanted to spend my night on the boat. that we would set sail and go whereever we wanted to go the next morning. it was comfortingly warm on my skin. and for that time, it was all so simple. he said the most perfect things; and most importantly-he meant them.
being in his presence was home and
the sweetest, most pure love i could ever want
as i watched him, as he talked with excitment, i thought- i am so blessed-

and as i woke up this morning. my birthday. i laid my 5 new pairs of shoes- that i bought myself as a pity party-across the floor. i remembered that it is those ties, those connections, the love in our hearts, the rooted friendships--that bring us forever happiness. things money can't buy.

go hug someone.
and relish in your dreams =]

Friday, February 6, 2009

be a believer

on and on
and i know

i can't sleep
the ocean in the air
clouded up my chest

nestling so deep
inside as i stare
don't even need the rest

stripped down to keep
the noises he'll share
placing each, a colorful nest

there are many times that i would love to relive.
i would love to swell in the joy of those moments. the photos-my words-the tune- help to take me there whenever i need to. there are just a few short minutes of my life that i swear my blood is colorful, and thriving, and if i were to be cut open--i would overflow with saturation.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

bikinis in february

meet kim. she rocks. we had a splendid time earlier this week up in santa cruz! it was absolutely GORGEOUS out there and we got some snazzy shots. im only half way through editing, but here is a snid bit of what i love.


Monday, February 2, 2009

chocolate cake

"But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a potion of my words." Alma 32:27

I have a gorgeous day in store for me. =D