Tuesday, February 10, 2009

and those that i blush away

i have a project. i don't know that anyone else will enjoy this but im stoked as hell to compose this diddy. i don't even know what that means. anyway-- i just finished a journal. i probably have about 12 journals, i think i began journaling when i was in the 2nd grade. thats probably about the time that i could compose a sentence? and look at me, 12 journals later, and i still exercise my right to free-write my run on (and on) sentences. =]

so heres my personal project:: i am going to take pieces (lines or words or phrases) from this last journal [which i began in january 2008,minus a couple months where i didnt have anything to say, and ended january2009) and i am going to state them. in the past i have arranged pieces like this into a poem but i don't quite have the energy, patience, and time for that tonight. so enjoy my favorite lines from the past year...

i am one lucky girl. and don't i know it.
he's wonderfully hairy.
i don't even cry any more. am i numb to heartache?
i should sleep. and read. and probably 100 other things.
im grateful for every heartbreak and every trial i have overcome.
im officially divorced.
i got my eyes and ears in tune.
i think love is a mean dirty trick.
AND another one bites the dust.
tell the world who you are, not let it shape who you become
I should shower.
but somehow he tricked me into recomitting.
settle this in your hearts: spiritual power, inspiration, revelation: hope
i know how bad it hurts. it's like me trying to cross busy streets. i'm hesitant.
hearts knit together
ugggg. yes! i always write here when im in a crappy mood.
i have several great books sitting next to me. i wish i had all day to read.
"you can borrow my light a little while longer"
and the violin plays...
our divine architect
my guiding star
i accidently sprayed canned air/duster junk on my leg and burned it pretty good.
don't find fault
"you don't know everything, but you know enough"
simple treasures
mom says they all are at first
stood out with bright flashing warning signs that wouldn't free my brain
the words--a look. we connect. and that is rare.
and i somehow lived without the internet for a week!
my journal is here to vent to when my thoughts are getting tangled among themselves
and our non-dates are cute
now we have a black president
love who we ARE and not what we have
one bad thought quickly spirals downhill with a full load of bad thoughts; its exhausting to me
it's been 5 years, but it seems so fresh
we laugh a lot. and play. and eat. and i love his presence.
the will to win is nothing without the will to prepare
and simply accepted the cards that life has dealt me
who needs a boyfriend when you got photography?
but its like running downhill...with your best friend...and a red balloon. thats the best way to describe it
and i trust that God has a lovely plan for me full of joy, kisses, and purple walls. oh, and a soft bed.
it is the treasures of our hearts that make us attractive
see the miracle and not the coincidence
he makes me smile, the kind that starts at my toes-the tap in my foot, the lock in my knee
like earths most warmest waters filling me up
the rest of the room disappears
seek something of greater worth

ahh. now im pooped. that was fun. i'm going to read then sleep.

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