Tuesday, June 29, 2010

an hour went by and i don't remember it

i should be asleep.
i swear im addicted to blogs.
my danny says to stop looking at pictures of other peoples kids.
i do my daily browse, get suck—get off track with their links, then browse my less frequent bloggers, then go through a maze of clicks to new photographers.
i just love it. what did i ever do before this?
i think of that fever pitch movie (where the man loves the baseball team so much, its his life, but baseball never loves him back). sometimes i think that. man, this blogger doesn't even know i spend an hour a day perusing their life. what a creep! wait, what AM i doing with my life?
ahaha. "stop looking at pictures of that lady's family. you don't even know them!" but...but they live here in utah. i like her! she's pretty. and she's funny...

i have that 7 am MakeMeCryOverMovies class tomorrow.
i can't wait. really though, i love that class.

i had 2 people today ask me if im a mormon. i said im LDS.
it sounds so weird, "a mormon".

i had another table ask me if they could have my address so they could mail me a tip tonight...
all they had was 2 dollars left.
i looked at her like she was crazy.
because she was. really? really lady?
moral of the story: don't go to restaurants if you don't have enough money lady. and don't give your address to strange people.

i have some great relaxing trips coming up and im getting very excited to get away. not that i haven't been loving the hikes and long runs here in utah.
but i need a breath of cleaner air.

i made a devils food cake last night. i ate half of it because my danny decided he's going on a diet that day. the kid is skin and bones i say.
my roommate is moving out and packed that darn can opener.
i haven't opened a can in a month. this time not because of my naivety.
i guess i should REALLY buy one this time.
i have been waiting a month to make taco salad.

Sunday, June 27, 2010


utah lake
tim, brittany, zach, and sarah...just moments before brittany's backpack went tumbling down the mountain—chapstick and cell phones taking off in flight. it was sad and hilarious at the same time.

about a week ago, the OG crew and i went for a hike to the Y
schools in utah put their "letter" on the mountains nearby
they paint all the rock in the area to make the letter

its pretty cool
its a steep hike
im happy for my friends

Thursday, June 24, 2010

just another day

i miss my brother.

i went (yes i actually got up) for my 745am class this morning. my teacher is full of life like a 20 year old. he is teeming with passion. and i love it. he makes me excited about life.

he shared a video today about a father and a son. team hoyt. he shared a video similar to this

the son has cerebral palsy.
his father (not initially an athlete) has pulled his son in a boat, pushed him in a wheel chair, and rode with him on a bike in over 1000 races. including marathons and triathlons (6 being iron man). all because the son said that when they were running it made him feel free and happy. in 1992 they also ran/biked across the US in 45 days.

i am amazed by his fathers heart and love and ability.
his accomplishments are amazing solo—but multiplied 100 fold when pulling his son in a blown up boat.
crossing the finish line the father is only watching the joy of his son, seems oblivious to his personal victory.

and although ricks cerebral palsy is not the same issue going on with my brother, chad, it still pulls at my heart. what a seemingly unfair life for them to live. in the situation of rick, he has always been known that way. he has always had cerebral palsy. sometimes i think it is so much harder to know what my brother was like before. its hard to remember his per
sonality and his laugh and his height, and the way he moved. it makes it harder to see him now and miss those details about him. i wish he'd have the chance to have children and play and pursue a passion in this life.

my heart aches.
i hope that he dreams. a lot. i pray continuously that heavenly father holds his hand and is by his side—that he feels that love and comfort. i wonder what he thinks and if he knows i love him even though i am not there. i hope he's not in pain. i hope that there is some kind of joy.

i know if it were possible with chads situation, my dad would do the same thing to put a smile on chad's face.

i get a lot of crap from people at home and much of my family about joining the church. and im sure plenty of it without my knowing. and thats ok. i try to joke along with it because a fight will go no where on the subject. but i find it interesting that my method of coping, finding happiness despite trials of life, goes as "ridiculous, stupid, weird, unnecessary" (or whatever word you'd like to plug in there). when i fell to my knees in the bathroom of a hospital praying for my brother, i didn't intend to find an answer. i was desperate and my heart was full of intent and desire. and quietly i was answered. and i followed the little happiness and comfort i could find in that moment. and i still woke up crying from dreams where i was with my brother and he was ok. but that happiness grew as i learned more about what this life is about, how to be happy in it, and what will become of my future, and my brother's future. the gospel of jesus christ gave me my only hope at the time, as cliche as that sounds, it was the only thing to bring me joy. for that reason alone—despite whatever crazy things non-members would like to think—i know that God does live and he loves me and he is with my brother every day.

and this is the only way i get through my day.

and i know this is a little heavy and should probably go in my journal and not on a blog, but what is there to hide?
life is good =]

Monday, June 14, 2010

real sand

i wish i was here.
my little feet in the big ocean.

i don't like to swim and i don't like sharks so I really have never thought that I love the beach, but now that i live hundreds of miles away, i miss the half hour get away.
the retreat to a place that doesn't look like home

i need one of those here in utah. maybe i'll go on an adventure hunt this weekend.
little things like my broken nail are bugging me and i'm not the happiest person in the world today.
i need to change that.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

P.S. desiredshots.com

my website is up =D

i love you

by golly

its getting warm quick.
i don't know why i always talk about the weather. silly me.

here's what im really thinking.my classes by choice are forcing me to think about fat people and too skinny people and the social economic separation between the classes and the history of exercise in this country.
there are some serious issues here. 1.2 trillion dollars are spent annually on americans being obese. it is the 2nd leading cause of death in america (something you can change, prevent even when its already begun, yet still people don't-thats a thesis paper in and of itself). it is proven that you can ADD years to your life by engaging in physical active (this doesn't mean you have to run a marathon)-- brisk walks make a huge difference. And still i find mothers at olive garden, ordering soda for their infant that can't even speak (i almost understand it if the child is going to kick and scream for soda, but really a baby? a baby needs soda?). it baffles me and amazes me and makes me really angry. poor kids. from 19885-1999 the number of obese children DOUBLED. thats not every much time at all, and that is a lot of big kids becoming big adults.

i want to do something. this is why i study it everyday.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

its almost summer time here

seventies color scheme-im loving right now. i've been terribly sick and grumpy. my website will be up by tomorrow! yeeeeee