Thursday, September 27, 2012


this photo. of this girl. with her blank stares at me. just made. my day.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

consider yourself worthy

as i was cleaning out an old back pack today,
i stumbled upon some old notebooks and lists ive made
i found a list of goals in 2008

i almost cried
i was proud to have accomplished everything on that list except
-go to seattle
-learn italian

i then found a paper that had notes that a priesthood leader once gave me.
it had his testimony on it.
it had a list of things i should DO to become the woman i need to be.
it had ideas on how to live worthy to be in the temple.

today i cried reading that list.
"make sure your schedule is not so busy
you cant do the important things.

consider yourself worthy 
of a valiant man 
and choose that valiant man."  2008

 this makes my heart ache.

some people are so very inspired.  they serve me like Christ would. they help me in ways they dont even know.   i weep out of gratitude to them and our God.

this makes me feel Heavenly Father's love and mindfulness of me.
flawed, rebellious, continuously imperfect me.
so many times i dont feel worthy
i dont feel of worth
i feel like my mistakes leave me used and tainted and too imperfect to love
often ive felt no man of God could really love me
and when i whole heartedly believe this
he tells me, Desiree this isn't true,  this is satan.

i haven't felt worthy of a valiant man.
i want it. i want to.

i know that i have endured enough grief and pain. i know that i have changed my life completely and in ways i didn't feel i had the knowledge or strength to do.  especially at the time that advice was given to me.  i was more alone at that time than any other in my life.

i was at rock bottom.
i was by myself.
and i could have gone in so many directions.
i fell to my knees.
i cried.
i hurt and i found myself praying.
with an empty heart,
i earnestly pleaded for help to be forgiven 
and have the power to forgive myself
i had nothing left.
i had no where to go.
i had absolutely no idea what the future held for me.

but as i kept my vision on Jesus Christ,  as cheesy as it may sound,
i felt lighter each day
his Spirit began to reside with me
and dwell within me
i sought after help from priesthood leaders when i wasn't sure how to be happy again
i followed their guidance as men of God
i did everything i could to invite the Spirit back into my life

and it took time.

my heart burns and my tears are warm.
i will forever know that God can help you change yourself.
i am indebted to him for his warmth and love when i didn't deserve it.
im forever grateful for the strength and inspiration i received on how to change myself.
i love Jesus Christ for being with me when I was alone.

God lives.
I can not deny it.
He is the reason why I am happy today.
He is the reason why I was able to change myself.
and He is the reason why I love myself now.

im thankful today, that i was reminded how much i have changed.
of how living the simple and important things each day make a huge difference over the years.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Does it trouble your mind
Like you trouble mine

Rough skies

And this is how i feel today

Monday, September 24, 2012

i am mormon.

actually, the appropriate name is Latter-day Saint.
and here are a couple of things that i believe.

i believe in improving yourself.   in being a better person than you use to be.
i believe in God as our Eternal Father, and the father of our brother, Jesus Christ
i believe that Heavenly Father (God), Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are three separate entities that work together for the same purpose.  they never contradict the other.
i believe that God loves me, Desiree Nicole Kunis. and all of you.
i believe that Jesus Christ walked this earth.  that he grew and progressed, like you and me, and performed miracles unlike any other being.
i believe that He established HIS church on the earth to make our lives happier.  to give us a way, a path to follow, that will lead us back to Him and Heavenly Father when we die.
i believe that He suffered the pain of all the people on the earth and died upon the cross as a sacrifice for you and me.  He did so, out of love and duty, to give us the chance to be able to become whole again.
i believe that as you and i make mistakes in this life, we can repent through this holy atonement that Christ has endured for us.
i believe that repentance means to become aware of ways you have been imperfect, to decide to make a change, to truly feel sorrow for committing the sin, seeking forgiveness through prayer and proper apologies to hurt parties, and staying committed to not repeating the sin.
i believe that Christ can help you do this, no matter how difficult the task, if you will but only pray unto him for the strength and guidance.
i believe that the Holy Ghost is available for every being to feel.  I believe that it is a spirit that can dwell with in you.  It may feel like different things, but for me it feels like warmth, peace, and the deepest happiness I have ever felt.
i believe that the Holy Ghost can be felt through reading these words and acting upon them.
i believe that God communicates with us through this Holy Ghost.
i believe that the Book of Mormon is a true book.
i believe that it was written by men, chosen by God, to document their testimonies, experiences, ancestry, and most importantly to tell who Jesus Christ is.
i believe that the Book of Mormon goes hand in hand with the Holy Bible, so long as it is interpreted correctly.
i believe that the Book of Mormon will bring you more happiness in your life, if you will read it.
i believe that you have a special role on the earth.
i believe that it is your duty and quest to find what that is.
i believe that God gave you and i talents and skills, not for our enjoyment, but to be used to bless others' lives.
i believe that God intends for us to be happy. that is why he gave us a plan--a way to do so.
i believe that THAT plan is the gospel of Jesus Christ.
i believe that before we were born, we lived with Heavenly Father as spirits.  we were with our families there. and we chose to come to earth.
i believe that we chose to come to earth to gain physical bodies, to progress, to be given the choice of happiness, and to find our way back to Heavenly Father again.
i believe that we were given our very specific families for a reason. to help us become who we need to be.  to serve and love one another, and to guide each other through this life.
i believe that families are the center of our happiness and His plan for us.
i believe that only when we are sealed to our spouse in the Temple of God, are we bound to one another for eternity-not to end when we die.
i believe that your family can be with you again after you die.
i believe that you can still have your children and wife/husband with you and continue in happiness, here after.
i believe in a life where you are not controlled by anything else.   not by a substance, someone else, money, or material things.
i believe in a life of good health.
i believe in a life where people speak kindly to one another, laughter is shared, and love is expressed.
i believe that many churches hold some good and true doctrine.
i believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only church that holds the Priesthood (the authority and power of God).

i believe that it is the one true church upon the whole earth that has ALL of the truths.

i believe that satan is real.
i believe that many people have let him have control over them.
i believe that he tries his hardest to have you forget the truths which i have stated above.
i believe that he tries to have you forget that you ARE A CHILD OF GOD.
i believe that he tries to have you forget that you can have control over yourself.
i believe that loving all people despite their race, sexual orientation, religion, and choices is Christ-like.
and i believe in being Christ-like.

there was a time when i did not know these things.
i didn't know much about any religion for most of my life.
i am not perfect.
i was not told to believe these things.
i have only recited these things from my heart.
i know that it is not easy in the least bit to make sacrifices for faith.
i know that it is hard to give up sex and alcohol and addictions and immodesty and stubbornness.
but it is worth it.
it is sooo worth it.
to try, to try everyday.

i love the ways i have changed since i have learned about the gospel and committed myself to try it, to practice it.
i love the missionaries who taught me.
i love myself more because of it.
there is nothing in this world that can have a more positive impact than to learn about this gospel.

carly & tait.

 there are somethings that are just true.

the photos of tait dancing with carly on their wedding day made me cry today.
just real love.
this is unique.
their wedding was so incredibly fun and light and easy! it was a gorgeous day to be a part of.
for that, i am thankful.