Jayden turns two

you can't change the fruit without changing the root

dear blog,

i just received the best gift i have ever been given

it was from my girlfriend stacy

tears swelled in my eyes and i am so happy

i will share later what it is..

for now, i will share my dreams

dream #1

kristy, my sister, and i were shopping

i was shopping for sunglasses in this higher end outdoor shopping mall

i walked through the store and saw leather bracelets and thought josh needed them

i looked at watches through the glass, the lady tried to help me

but they didnt have what i wanted to kristy and i started running to the next store

but she got distracted in the courtyard where several restaurants joined together

people were walking around drinking and i called for her to come with me

but she kept talking to people

then my friend, buhler, walked by in a soccer uniform and socks and said, "sup des"

and i said, "whats up"

and then he kept walking

then all the sudden we were late because i had to go to the airport

so i started running and calling for my sister to follow

and i ran half way across the street when i turned to make sure kristy was following

but she wasnt so i stopped in the middle of the road

and cars started speeding around me, going in every direction

i could feel the wind, they almost hit me

then bombs started going off

and i woke up

dream #2

much more vague

i really loved this one though

i dreamt that i got a box delivered

inside this box was EVERYTHING i have ever lost, or have looked for

the box was neverending, literally

it was like a black hole, like santas sack of gifts

i found missing socks and all my earrings that i only have one of currently

i found things i didn't even realize i had lost

it was the BEST feeling ever to have all these things again

and i find this symbolic

or maybe i am crazy

it's time for me to go dream again,

see ya

1:30am trail mix and root beer

this is jon and janelle

they're having baby camron cuilla in october!

and i CAN'T wait to hold the lil thing

it's really late

and i have been procrastinating a paper on the effects of varying amounts of pronation on mediolateral ground reaction forces during barefoot vs shod running

yea, i know

im actually really interested in it..hmm

goodnight people.

it was all so perfect

he's sleeping next to me

and im luckiest girl in the world

and its all so surreal

and we've carefully handed our hearts to the other

and i thought, please be careful with it

it's never been like this

and he held me to my favorite love song

and we ate pizza at a waterfall

and we spent all weekend on a fall colored quilt

and his heartbeat faster

and i couldn't stop smiling

goodmorning

it's not mine. don't freak out..meet my buddy, kris, he is wonderful and he bought a girl a ring. and he prayed and came to the realization that she is in fact, THE ONE. and i am so very happy for them.

kris already booked the temple. and i find that so cute.

kris and i got to the airport 20 minutes before the plane was to land.

we speed walked to the security lady, with photos of her kids pinned to her shirt, and she rushed us to southwest desk to get passes to go to the gate

they did it in 3 minutes flat

kris was nervous but kept his cool

my stomach was doing flips, i was a lil shakey

but we jet through security and raced up the stairs

once at the gate, he found random people to hold special signs for Brenna

as the plane unloaded cramped people, the anticipation built

holding my camera, i was shaking

kris didn't stop moving

or smiling

she must have been the last person off that flight

and after he called out to her, he got on one knee

and i wish i could have heard the sweet words he said, but i was busied snapping aw

ay

she said yes, people clapped, and the lady made an announcement on the intercom, then brenna walked down the aisles and showed everyone her gorgeous ring..

and now theyre in love

and now theyre going to be sealed in the temple

and this is awesome

my favorite image. oh hello guy. you ARE the most important thing in this photo..

her mouth

i love airports.

and there it is

theyre getting married in december

i was the happiest girl all day

after squealing and jumping at their engagement

so lovely

i have circus photos to share and pregnant photos to share and little boy photos to share

but i am all so busy

but i DO have one last surprise

SO yesterday was a wretched day

i bolted straight up in bed at 8:20, "oh no. yea, that test is in 40 minutes."

i scurried to school with a headache to take a test

went to class

then straight to work here i proceeded to make 25 dollars in 5 hours.. did you read that correctly? kill me please.

THEN i came home and showered, thinking the worst of the day was over,

but lo and behold i squirt a motherload of superglue all over both hands

i screamed and threw my ring (that i was gluing) and spread all my fingers out and stood there..

decided what i could do...

i just ran my hands under cold water..

super frustrated—pulling my ring that is now glued to the carpet, off—

i get a text reading, "go to your door RIGHT NOW!!"

note i JUST got out of the shower, and im in my towel..

i peek through the hole and make sure no one is there..

i open the door quickly—

and scream

a woman walks up the stairs..i apologize for being in a towel and she says she won't tell

my smile must be ripping through my face

i'm the happiest girl alive and i squeal again

one hand holding the towel, one hand dragging my gift in

JOSHUA BROWN

i love it so very much

he made it with his own hands

and he made it for me

yes

it IS a giant chalk board

i want to cry i love it so much

ooh and the ribbon and bow were so cute!!

and the ruby red painted frame

and the colorful chalk

OH its so perfect

and i think to myself, who is telling him exactly what i love?

tiana, are you feeding him courting advice?

it scares me how wonderful he is

quick someone pinch me

after the stromy rain today, the sun shone so bright

running today

i wish i had my camera, of course

the most perfect overly tanned man drug a rusty tractor across the land

the tire rims were a crusty, mold green color

the body: a burnt orange, faded and cracked

it looked wonderful against the monstrous mountains

with sunflowers in the foreground

oh well

i kept running

kayne's "stronger" comes on, naturally

"that that don't kill me can only make me stronger"

and i'm thinking of wolff's law

I learn about wolff's law all day long

wolff's law says, our bodies will respond to the stresses placed upon it

now this doesn't always mean that the response will always be positive or stronger, the stress could very well break a bone for instance

(this is the reason why the elderly for instance need to be exercising, and lifting lightly-correctly-to strengthen their bones. speaking of bones—in america we hit our physical peak from 23-25. oh hell. i feel like i should do something great with this peak. what pressure!! bear children? climb mount everest? run another marathon? gah. i'm going to be depressed when i hit 27 and haven't accomplished any of those...)

but i love this law

i love thinking about it while working out

i take longer strides

stretch my stomach

push forward

watch my form

i tell myself im strong

i'm getting stronger

and i thought about wolf's law, and kayne's lyrics

that which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger

i see this in my life, not just my workouts, but i see this in dealing with the anguish i have had about chad, dealing with a divorce (or two?), moving, confronting problems, break ups, financial lows, sin, sickness, starting a business, joining the church, beginning personal training

i'm finding myself coming out of a long spiritual rut, where i knew i wasn't reaching my potential

where i knew i wasn't fully happy

where i knew i wasn't doing any good for anyone else

and i knew i would come out stronger when i turned around

or woke up

or made changes

and i'm stronger than ever

and i love my past

sounds terrible, honestly, but it has unfolded me into who i am today

happy and strong and healthy and moving in the right direction

here are some very happy lyrics i heard on pandora today: (im loving pandora, type in XX as your next station...really do it)

"happy is the heart that still feels pain

darkness drains and light will come again

swing open up your chest and let it in

just let the love, love, love begin"

—ingrid michaelson "everybody"

so i kept running

and pushed it harder

and exercised positive self talk : i told myself i was proud of where i am

and proud of my changes

and proud to be thinking clearly and happily

and then a bug flew into my mouth

and i thought, "that that doesn't kill me can only make me stronger"

and i swallowed the thing.

yes, that JUST happened

i accidently pressed the button to take a photobooth image..the computer count down, and i couldnt deny it a sweet face..

today

we laid and did not get up until five hours had passed

and we laughed

and contemplated metal objects

and i remembered my great grandma

and he smiled so big when i attempted funny eyebrow things

and we chatted

and i fell asleep

and i awoke

and giggled some more

and i tell him, let's do this everyday

these are the best days

and im still getting my things done. i know it sounds like im whisked away falling in love all the time. but i'm still getting my duties did, just with a fatty grin now.

i read in my book the other day...

"Trust: It's the feeling of safeness you have with another human being."

several times i wrote, "i dont want to forget today"

my face
i stole these today..

do you love my new kicks?
do you love them with pokeys everywhere?
cuz i don't

i run by this field several times a week

it is beautiful and i always smile

and today i wished i had taken a picture of these ladies but i didn't

and then i regretted it

and i didn't want the wild sunflower season to pass me by without placing some in my room

so i went out

even though i had 8 other things that needed doing

those ladies:

in the airport today, a sweet woman spoke to me about how her husband was suppose to propose to her when her horse was being delivered. he made a banner to hang around the horse and he was suppose to buy flowers, but timing was off.

so she told him to propose to her while they were in russia at some square

and he did

and she has been married 30 years and she seemed just as giddy as day one...

then her mother, in a wheel chair next to her, with dark ruby lipstick on,

said, "that's better than a man proposing in a letter!" i thought this is all so romantic.. i leaned in and she told me how her husband was stationed in guam and that he had to ask her via snail mail.

could you imagine the anticipation for him?

poor sucker.

romantic sucker.

so i've had a pretty day.

i ate black berries and learned about rickets and other calcium deficiency diseases..

yesterday i wrote "accepting hardships is the pathway to peace"

i wrote "it is undeniable"

i wrote "you know enough"

the day before that i lounged in a warm pool and waited for the sun to fall

and we talked about scary things and happy things and got the chills

i wish i could tivo my memories

more than anything

the AA prayer

God, grant us the...

Serenity to accept things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can, and the

Wisdom to know the difference

Patience for the things that take time

Appreciation for all that we have, and

Tolerance for those with different struggles

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the

Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the

Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

the day

i shot my first gun...

other recent firsts:

--camping (can you believe it? it was kind of a warm up though. i had a sweet tent and breakfast already made for me..)

—stepping in dog poop barefoot

—attending a rodeo (i love the bull riding..and the wrestling)

—and now, shooting a gun and not just A gun, like 3 guns

and soon a circus! gah! oh the photo possibilities!

im pretty hard core and everything now


weeee!! my arm is so tired
does this face make you swoon like it does me??

yes, i liked it.


ashley and tony
pictures of his arms.


utah is pretty.

oh and don't worry mom

the men were safe about it all

i even hit a a soda can that was so far away, i couldn't even see it WITH my glasses on

...im that good

and this is all so fun