out with the old.

so i've finished my journal. there are no more empty pages for me to hastily scribble on.

i have a very neat wood covered journal that has been waiting for my hand.

i'm going to do a lil project like i did last time--

you could view it here..

i compile lines from the journal, in random order.

i think it's funny. other's may find it ridiculous.

began feb 2009-ends oct 2010

it begins: "onto a journal wrapped in leather to old all my stories and dreams.."

_____________________

in one dimension or another, i love you

i can't recall your voice

like i'm some kind of sugar mama

i know i was meant to live in this family

AND what happened in my childhood that made me such a sappy helpless romantic?

matthew says live outside your head

i bought her a book of mormon today

there is room to smile and grow

good night moon

to my right is my lovely camera, to my left is my scriptures, and in front of me is a caramel/chocolate covered apple..

and how perfect, a butterfly just flew by

maybe i should read my meditation "how to" book

so i run to you

this will only be but a little while

refined

light: spread it, radiate.

i can not believe my life, my make up is everywhere

my home will be a refuge

miss and i got hot fudge

my stomach hurts and im tired of faking a smile

challenges reawaken you when you fall asleep spiritually

soften your heart

the grandpa, out on the ledge, is using his cane to point to provo

today is crying with me

he says to me, "i don't think i'll ever find the kind of girl i want to marry."

i'm sitting right here.

i look like a 40 yr old smoker with scraggly hair today

it's easy to get out of tune

i can't sleep, i'm in love with my life

comforter>brings all things to your remembrance

he dumped me, story of my life

be ready today

starts at home

Love is the desire of every human soul

i refuse to live my life without it any more

TRUELY be worthy

he says, "they're all just friends"

tonight Jeri said, "christmas is all about the cruelty of his death..." uhhhhh

where is your heart?

my knowledge brings me joy

bear well

you can't eat gold

my tears paint my shirt

generate positivity

i want to live every ounce of this feeling

i'm safe with him

it is hard, but it is so worth it

have the courage to change the things you can

fill your life with goodness!

remember, remember

i was chosen

curse my hormones and my dreamy mind.

what do you love that God has created?

i love my bed that is too big for just me

so sparkly dainty and so divinely deep at the same time

like im at home, like i could do this forever

satan tempts us to betray who we really are

please let me be loved for once

what is the purpose of life?

the prayers from my babies mouths

my fairytale, i'm watching it come to life

him rolling on the grass

it overflows me

and heaven help me if he's not the one, cuz this would hurt

and i want mine pretty. please.

i'll dream, and clean up my fluttery thoughts

"if we never have the bitter, then we may never know the sweet"

__________________

sometimes, i recognize this thought may sound crazy—

but sometimes i look at books and i become overwhelmed with how precious they are

there are books that have made me happy or changed my life or brought me comfort or inspired me. these are powerful things! just from words on paper. the book the alchemist-powerful, inspiring. i really really love this book. it is so special to me. one time, i may have shared this story, my sister's dog started eating my original set of scriptures. the small blue book that the missionaries gave me. this book should be framed its so precious to me. I screamed at the dog and scrambled to pick up the shredded pieces. i sat on the ground and cried.

this book changed my life.

and although i got myself another set of scriptures, THOSE pages mean so much to me. for the message they share. for the way the words touch my heart. for the way my life has changed.

and my journal is like this. one of the very precious books that holds more than just words on paper.

people ask, "if your home caught fire, what would you grab??"

to me that reads, what can't you replace with money.

and although one of my first thoughts would be my camera-man i love it

i could replace it—easy

i would grab my scriptures, and my journal that rest next to each other by my bed

there is nothing that could replace my thoughts, feelings, and inspirations written in those pages