i have this thing
i get this weird anxiety about falling in love (like for REAL being in love)
i kind of fear marrying someone, (and not even the marrying part) but loving someone THAT deeply, profoundly to where you give them your all, 100% vulnerable, and you become one-kind of deal.
BECAUSE i'm so very afraid of something terrible happening to that person
and they will be gone
and my heart will be gone
and i will hurt like never before
i fear that this will happen
they'll die in some freak accident while im pregnant with our 6th child and we'll have the dreamiest family/marriage/love
and life will turn upside down, inside out like never before
and i will hurt in unthinkable ways
insecurity? commitment issue? silly fear? completely normal thought?
i think about this from time to time.
oh, me and my head.