Thursday, October 21, 2010

out with the old.

so i've finished my journal. there are no more empty pages for me to hastily scribble on.
i have a very neat wood covered journal that has been waiting for my hand.
i'm going to do a lil project like i did last time--
you could view it here..

i compile lines from the journal, in random order.
i think it's funny. other's may find it ridiculous.

began feb 2009-ends oct 2010
it begins: "onto a journal wrapped in leather to old all my stories and dreams.."
_____________________
in one dimension or another, i love you
i can't recall your voice
like i'm some kind of sugar mama
i know i was meant to live in this family
AND what happened in my childhood that made me such a sappy helpless romantic?
matthew says live outside your head
i bought her a book of mormon today
there is room to smile and grow
good night moon
to my right is my lovely camera, to my left is my scriptures, and in front of me is a caramel/chocolate covered apple..
and how perfect, a butterfly just flew by
maybe i should read my meditation "how to" book
so i run to you
this will only be but a little while
refined
light: spread it, radiate.
i can not believe my life, my make up is everywhere
my home will be a refuge
miss and i got hot fudge
my stomach hurts and im tired of faking a smile
challenges reawaken you when you fall asleep spiritually
soften your heart
the grandpa, out on the ledge, is using his cane to point to provo
today is crying with me
he says to me, "i don't think i'll ever find the kind of girl i want to marry."
i'm sitting right here.
i look like a 40 yr old smoker with scraggly hair today
it's easy to get out of tune
i can't sleep, i'm in love with my life
comforter>brings all things to your remembrance
he dumped me, story of my life
be ready today
starts at home
Love is the desire of every human soul
i refuse to live my life without it any more
TRUELY be worthy
he says, "they're all just friends"
tonight Jeri said, "christmas is all about the cruelty of his death..." uhhhhh
where is your heart?
my knowledge brings me joy
bear well
you can't eat gold
my tears paint my shirt
generate positivity
i want to live every ounce of this feeling
i'm safe with him
it is hard, but it is so worth it
have the courage to change the things you can
fill your life with goodness!
remember, remember
i was chosen
curse my hormones and my dreamy mind.
what do you love that God has created?
i love my bed that is too big for just me
so sparkly dainty and so divinely deep at the same time
like im at home, like i could do this forever
satan tempts us to betray who we really are
please let me be loved for once
what is the purpose of life?
the prayers from my babies mouths
my fairytale, i'm watching it come to life
him rolling on the grass
it overflows me
and heaven help me if he's not the one, cuz this would hurt
and i want mine pretty. please.
i'll dream, and clean up my fluttery thoughts
"if we never have the bitter, then we may never know the sweet"

__________________

sometimes, i recognize this thought may sound crazy—
but sometimes i look at books and i become overwhelmed with how precious they are
there are books that have made me happy or changed my life or brought me comfort or inspired me. these are powerful things! just from words on paper. the book the alchemist-powerful, inspiring. i really really love this book. it is so special to me. one time, i may have shared this story, my sister's dog started eating my original set of scriptures. the small blue book that the missionaries gave me. this book should be framed its so precious to me. I screamed at the dog and scrambled to pick up the shredded pieces. i sat on the ground and cried.
this book changed my life.
and although i got myself another set of scriptures, THOSE pages mean so much to me. for the message they share. for the way the words touch my heart. for the way my life has changed.

and my journal is like this. one of the very precious books that holds more than just words on paper.
people ask, "if your home caught fire, what would you grab??"
to me that reads, what can't you replace with money.
and although one of my first thoughts would be my camera-man i love it
i could replace it—easy
i would grab my scriptures, and my journal that rest next to each other by my bed
there is nothing that could replace my thoughts, feelings, and inspirations written in those pages

2 comments:

mom said...

hahaha. I can actually pinpoint the circumstances/when/which person some of these one liners are inspired by.

desiredshots PHOTOGRAPHY said...

yes. i see it too.. i tried to not tell the story of my life, but it just happened..