Thursday, April 9, 2009

i kissed my fish goodnight

i feel, today, so incredibly inadequate. i was describing to someone-- in their response to my new car--how humble i feel. its odd. i AM incredibly (i hate when writers use the same word twice, but i just really like this word) excited about my car, and i love it immensely, but i don't feel like i deserve it. in a previous post, about the book "the alchemist", it says that this feeling of inadequacy can be an obstacle to gaining and enjoying your dream or goal. and for a long time, a new car was my dream. and now that i have it, i feel like im not good enough for it. as i knelt in prayer this evening i rattled off to heavenly father all that he has blessed me with, i thanked him for his love and giving me all these things and people, right down to the little boy at work that made me smile from ear to ear. i am so inadequate. i do not deserve all these things. to my friend, about my car, i stated, "im just waiting for the dream to end, and have my car taken away from me..." and i am afraid i feel this way with relationship with heavenly father. not that i feel he will ever stop loving me, but im afraid that things have been just "too good" and that there must be a rough patch just waiting for me to fall into here soon. i hope this isn't so. maybe i shouldn't be expressing these things so openly. perhaps all im really getting at is that i am so very very lucky for all that i have. i am surrounded by people that i love, skills that i love, artists that i love, health that i love, and dreams that i love. i know that it has only been through the sweet love and grace of my father in heaven that i have become who i am today. when i do fall short, his hand is outstretched to pull me along. even for the times that i am so terribly inadequate. he never fails me, even when i fail him.

i keep thinking, lately, how grateful i am for all my senses. this is not a typical thought. but i find myself thanking God for my sight and my smell and taste and touch and especially to hear. tears almost well up in my eyes. some people don't get to use all these senses, but i am forever thankful to be tune with them, and enjoy them to their excess. i thought today, as i ate these amazing mint things (their like wild berry or something, in a round tin, by a big brand i cant remember), just how many taste buds am i using right now? I swished this wild berry sensation in my mouth and talked to my mouth, "alright bud 26-58, enjoy the treat...NOW!" . i'm crazy man. thats just weird. maybe i shouldn't post this. bahha.

my buddy matthew and i were talking tonight and i had a good one: "maybe i should just go crazy-- the best artists all are".

=] here is a poem that is quite popular, and quite wonderful.
it touches me deeply. there is nothing greater in this world than to feel how strongly Heavenly Father loves you.

The Touch of the Master's Hand

"Twas battered and scared, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile.
"What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
"Who'll start bidding for me?
A dollar, a dollar - now who"ll make it two _
Two dollars, and who"ll make it three?

"Three dollars once, three dollars twice,
Going for three". . . but no!
From the room far back a gray-haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening up the strings,
He played a melody,pure and sweet,
As sweet as an angel sings.

The music ceased and the auctioneer
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said: "What am I bidden for the old violin?"
And he held it up with the bow;
"A thousand dollars - and who'll make it two?
Two thousand - and who'll make it three?
Three thousand once, three thousand twice
And going - and gone," said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,
"We do not quite understand -
What changed its worth?" The man replied:
"The touch of the masters hand."
And many a man with life out of tune,
And battered and torn with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd.
Much like the old violin.

A "mess of pottage," a glass of wine,
A game and he travels on,
He's going once, and going twice -
He's going - and almost gone!
But the MASTER comes, and the foolish crowd,
Never can quite understand,
The worth of a soul, and the change that's wrought
By the touch of the MASTER'S hand.

~Myra B. Welch


Barry Fulk said...

"All thoughts that are emotionalized (given feeling) and mixed with faith, begin immediately to translate themselves into their physical equivalent or counterpart." --Napolean Hill

You literally become your thoughts. Who are you not to shine, you are a daughter of God! You will come to good things, and good things will come to you. Stay positive and keep the faith!

desiredshots PHOTOGRAPHY said...

barry you make me smile!
thanks for reading love, and especially for your thoughts. im trying to become more like these good thoughts. =]