written april 2 ::
"The memories are faded. i think i have gone a day or two without his memory awakening me to the reality of what i am not enjoying. it's silly how some moments you think you won't make it through the day.
that your dreams are unattainable.
that you somehow deserve the crap life has dealt you.
those are the workings of satan. the little voice in your head that wants to drag you down.
and here i am.
happy. healthy. enjoying myself in each day. in every way.
today, i have treated myself to a pesto panini. and that is living love in the moment.
the saturation of the graffiti-ed walls i shot in front of today.
love. bliss. smiles behind the shade of my camera.
i love the life i am creating."
written april 5 ::
" i'm sitting at the beach.
A ME day. Today was general conference. It is touching and reassuring to hear and feel the prophet and apostles speak.
i love the order of the church
i love the hope of the gospel
i love the joy of living righteously
i love the strength in the atonement
I walk by a beach house, in my bikini top and sweats, and a garage band is jamming
i have realized something. i often fall in love with ideas.
with thoughts and dreams.
sometimes its all i have.
there are a lot of sail boats out today
A triangle of perfect white on this water coloured sea.
it is calm and flat
and the sun makes you want a warm nap.
"you're all i think, you're all i miss."
i have sea salt and body salt coating my tanned skin.
i ran here.
A man with the brightest vibrant red sweater stands out on the rocky ledge.
it seems with each boy, that my list of what im looking for gets longer
and seemingly impossible.
there is sand under my nails.
i want to do yoga
i want to go to india
i want children to feed.
i saw young couples sitting on each others' laps on the wide-open beach front.
normally i would mutter something in envy.
but today i smiled. its romantic.
the stupid things they must be giggling about. the damn tickle war going on.
then a little girl with long wavy hair runs by, bright rainbow kite in hand.
it zips through the sky.
she runs, unaware of anything but this dream catcher.
so i turn my face to the sun.
to bake my skin.
soak in some vitamin d
cancel the music
waves beat against the cliffs
the tide is coming in.
and here, alone, i'm in love.
i see God's power,mercy, and grace.
I'm aware how lucky i am.
I'm grateful for my knowledge.
so grateful to know how to create happiness for myself, and hopefully soon for others.
the cutest boy just rode off into the sunset.
i am happy and pleased and so blessed.
i love all things
i have much to improve.
and still so much to learn and master
im grateful for my senses
for great friends
and for empowering runs. "