Sunday, April 26, 2009

birds ate my face

i overflow with love today
i just flip through my scriptures, "wickedness never was happiness"

i turn the page, the image of dan and i on the day of my baptism peeks out

i turn the page, "who can glory too much in the Lord?"
i turn the page, "I give not because I have not, but if I had I would give."
i turn the page, "...but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."

somewhere in one of my manuals, in one of my lessons today, i read a line saying something about those that don't have peace in their lives, those that don't have a relationship with their savior, those that don't have a fulness of joy--don't quite realize what they are missing out on. there is more happiness to be felt, my friends. there is more comfort and love and so many more blessings awaiting you. i want to spill over these things to you, but i can't make you want them any more than i can change tide. in these moments of intense gratitude and love and happiness i want so badly for others to indulge in the goodness!! i'd like to walk around and hand out these tiny morsels of joy. with colorful wrappers, and hazelnut cream inside. oh yum.

i've been studying some conference talks on adversity lately. seems there is a lot of that going on. mishaps. there is great comfort to me in knowing that God does not give us anything that he doesn't already know we can handle. He will never give us a trial we can not endure. He will never leave us alone, without a way out. He gives us these obstacles, these hard times, for our benefit. For us to grow, for us to be humbled and turn to our savior, for us to draw closer to our loved ones, for us to know what true happiness is, to gain knowledge. it is my hope that we may pray to the Lord not for our afflictions to be taken away from us, but that we may have the patience and strength and Spirit to endure and learn from these experiences. If we were not to have pain with joy we would never truly know joy.

here's a non-super spiritual sunday message: i cleared my head last night, as i usually do. and may i put a plug in for another Chuck Palaniuk book im reading, Invisible Monsters. Palaniuk is a genius. and i would think he was an uber crazy creep, but it seems he's somewhat normal. but, really, whats normal?

so here is a poem..composed last thoughts are so silly sometimes.

the tackle in my treasure box

this reminds me that I have the ability to feel more
my brightest rose-orange fingertips
skirts are lightening my load
my boxes so neatly aligned
cursive print, foral quilt
each dusted, but getting old

and the sun is burning its mark
into the same shapes on the wall

the photographs color is dulling
my toes trapped in the soft of your blankets
and a banner becomes my thought-talk
red ribbon
reads words, worded widow
emotionally expressive
her sad park bench
the perfect roundness of babies cheeks
widows heart aches
fresh grass and dancing lullabies

do the flashbacks scroll by?
your red banner ribboned little head
fish hooks
my tears
window light keeps catching my gleams
for my fear
for my outside dreams
for good or bad, the passion is always near
all the lovely little pieces
so broken, and never before, so alive
the widow, she sings as she walks
mask lifted upon the sky
stretching up. up.
surely, away, angels ring

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