Friday, September 16, 2011

my little heart

just watched midnight in paris
wonderful film.
dreamy and lovely.

i think i belong there.

this is the earliest friday night i've had in a long time..
i mean, what do people do when they don't feel like dancing on a friday night??
and you don't want to go play the worlds largest dodgeball game because your thumb hurts,
and you don't want to hike the ten hours up mt. timpanogos because you're afraid of lightning striking you,
and you don't want to do work/homework because it's friday night…?

i put my favorite sweats on and climbed into my bed to read
the windows are sifting cold air in
is it cold in california?
I feel like it's already going to snow here..
i'm not ready for it.

i want it to be fall forever.
with occasional afternoon storms.
i always love those.

yesterday was a beautiful day.
i learned at school then knew where i needed to be.
i recently read in a talk that we should spend even more effort, dedication, and time devoted to learning about spiritual matter as we do with our academic matter. and although that is demanding a lot, i like the idea of it. inspires me to work a lil harder at my scripture study and time spent pondering the things that are important.

yesterday i took that time. i found myself at the front of this pretty place with my red suitcase in hand.

i marveled there. i didn't fall asleep. i felt full. i felt an amazing capacity to love—it was beyond me. i felt a desire to live better, think better, and speak better. i hurt at some points, thinking about struggles and the struggles of people i love. I don't know how long i sat there but i bowed my head and prayed.

there was only one other person in the room. the room had sparkling chandeliers. i remember thinking it was the quietest place i could possibly go. i wondered if the room was made sound proof. i leaned my head back in the chair to clear my head, looked to the ceiling, and saw the figure 8 design.

i closed my eyes for some time and shared my heart with the Lord again. I was calm. I opened my eyes and felt overwhelmed with the Spirit. My head still bowed-- all i saw was my white dress, the white floor, and the light shining through the window. it was the purest white. the visual of it was so warm to me. i was so happy. and i knew God was aware of me. I couldn't stop the tears. I feared my makeup would get everywhere. and i thanked Heavenly Father for such special moments.

I took in all the details of the room, practiced slower breathing, and smiled. and then i left.

i stopped at my antique mill and bought this gem. she was on sale. and i am so happy to look at it on my dresser.

then i climbed the face of a rock.
it was my first time.
it was absolutely powerful and thrilling.

and then i danced my little heart out.

Do you ever have moments where you feel like God is telling you he is aware of you?? I had that moment today when i was driving, i saw a building i really love and there were pigeons all lined up across the top of this wall just perfectly. the visual. it made me so happy. i wished i had my camera. and i knew God knew that i needed that scene, that I was sure that he knows of me.

1 comment:

Stacy said...

Yes, CA is cooling down, but it is by no means cold. We have had a couple of overcast mornings and chilly nights, but overall the weather has been stunning.

Side note... I love your vulnerability and honesty. AND you made me totally jealous that you got to spend a Friday night relaxing in comfy sweats!