this is an honest question i have.
it may sound weird, but today i was thinking about how strange love is.
we desire and long for this feeling.
we yearn for some kind of fulfillment in being valued and important and cared for.
hopefully, we enjoy and are happy to reciprocate and show our love for the other as well.
i am beginning to wonder if love is a drug. some kind of high.
i would imagine that chemically in our brain there are changes when we feel genuine love.
like the blue light.
i'm talking romantic love.
that once we have felt it, you can never be quite as satisfied again without it.
perhaps it is so desirable and wonderful because it encompasses every part of you: the physical, the emotional, the spiritual, the mental.
i am happy in my life.
no doubt i have plenty of struggles but in general i have faith and a good mind.
i'm in a good position.
i truly am probably the happiest i ever have been.
i think this is because i have full control over myself. i have control over my decisions. i have been making healthy decisions. and i don't have anything else "ruling" my life.
i recognize the above things are ultimately because of the gospel of Jesus Christ and his loving guidance.
but i realized something rather sad today:
i am not number one
to anyone in this world.
everyone close to me has someone else that is their number one. the person they love and value most. note: this is not a pity party. i know i am loved. i am truly blessed.
but i do seek after a man to love and share my life with.
recently, a friend (married with a child) said to me, "being married is hard, you know. having kids is so hard. this isn't all jolly and fun. please wait. take your time. you don't want this."
my first natural thought was: BOGUS!! don't feed me your crap!! and other unkind things.
but the truth is this: i have obstacles and struggles, so do you, so does she, we all do—our problems are just different kinds— but i sure would be happier carrying those burdens along with someone, making my way through this life with a friend by my side always. I know from experience that problems don't go away when you get married or have a family. i am not naive. I know new obstacles arise that you have never before faced, but the security and comfort in knowing you have a companion to share that with is strengthening. this is what i seek after.
so this time in my life is not a poor me i just want to be off and married. it's just a little lonely not being anyone's number one. it is a little bit hard to face life's challenges alone.
i pray that the man that i am to spend my life with is being prepared
in the same way that i know i am being prepared.
i am thankful for the ways that God is molding me and helping me to learn.
life is good.
i wish for you love and a happy thursday