good thing mom sent me a treasure chest of medicine for valentines day. she knows i always seem to get sick at some point every february.
yesterday was a splendid day of forgetting my responsibilities. LUCY wrote on it here. instead of us having a cry fest (which we've both had plenty of lately..) we decided to do what we love instead. i'll post photos soon from the day.
that will be my reward when i finish studying tonight.
i've been reading a book by Henry B. Eyring. I recieved it for my birthday. Here's a line i enjoyed thinking on:
"Even a moment's reflection will help you see that the problem of using your time well is not a problem of the mind but of the heart."
i've had this problem lately. and again, i think maybe this shouldn't go onto the www but maybe my insecurities can be released as i "confess" them. so here it is:
i try to live a Christ-like life. I know of his attributes. and i suck at living it all, but i truly am always trying, always changing, reflecting.
one of such Christ-like attributes is to not covet.
with having a family being one of my top goals and desires—and with my recent breakup (gulp)—i have had such a hard time not coveting other's lives. does this sound weird? i think reading other people's blogs is so entertaining because you kind of desire their life, and they let you in a little. it can be inspiring, but to a degree this could be an unhealthy thing.
on the right hand side of this blog you can read about the image is found. they are a husband/wife photography team with rad lil rug rats and an artsy lil home. although i'm not obsessed with them, they're living my dream. marrying a creative spouse with stylish clothes, a great sense of humor, and adores you?! they're the coolest to say the least. and their photography is amazing. i so very much wish to have a similar family.
and when everyone and their mom is pregnant right now— i can't help but covet. i really am so happy that my sister is pregnant. when she told me about hearing the heartbeat for the first time, i got off the phone in tears. gosh what bliss. what happiness to see the baby's lil nubby arms and legs. and i wished it was me. i'm the one that wants it.
i'm not angry at the world that i don't have what they have.
i'm just a lil sad.
i didn't see it turning out this way.
but i know i have my own journey to walk. and it is gorgeous.
and i don't want to seem ungrateful, cause truly i am. deeply grateful.
so it's been a struggle of mine lately to be happy being single. to be happy that i don't have a family or my own home. somedays its just hard to be happy with what you got. i wrote a couple years ago on here, "the moment you realize you aren't missing out on anything—then you can have true happiness"
it is very true. do you find this in your life? sometimes it seems like i am constantly working to get to where everyone else is. or have what is the coolest. or do everything.
I AM JUST NOT superwoman.
and i want to be happy with that.
i believe it takes this change in perspective, in the quote above, to be able to be content and satisfied. to be able to live (realllly live) each day in the moment. not racing to the next day. if i am always living to be someone else i will never really be happy. and it has calmed my heart to be reminded of this.
i have been repeating this to myself lately—
live the life you have imagined
this has been reminding me that i am unique and have my very own path. i can sculpt my life to be whatever i want. i don't have to be upset if i don't want to be. i don't have to live mediocre if i don't want to. i have the ability to CREATE the life i want. this fills me with joy.
God loves me. He really does, and he blesses me beyond my imagination. I am thankful to know that there is so much awaiting me. I have hope. I have passion. this is written on my chalk board : "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy path." proverbs 3:5-6