this month marks my 24th birthday and my 6th year being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 6 years! A young man in church recently said, "the best part about getting older is watching the Lord 'grow' me"
i love that.
i scribbled the reminder in my journal.
it's so true.
i could never predict the way my life has turned out to be. i could never have predicted the pain i've endured, though small compared to others, but personal for me. i could have never predicted the amazing things i have learned. about myself, about life, about the incredible amount of love in friendships and among my family, about courage & strength, about the atonement of Jesus Christ, about pure joy and passion in my photography, about loneliness, about inventing myself
i could have never predicted how wonderfully happy i could be (even in, especially in, my loneliest of times) in my relationship with God. it is something so very personal and precious to me. it is something for everyone to find for themselves in their own life at some point. it is the root of true happiness. the kind that is everlasting. the kind that doesn't break up with you. the kind that you wake up, get out of bed for.
there are plenty of people, media, ideas, your own thoughts in this world that find ways to cut you down. plant thoughts of doubt, and worry, and fear, and ugliness in our heads.
THE TRUTH IS THIS:
you are a child of God.
you are talented, blessed, special, beautiful, strong & unique
you can do hard things
you are here to do great things
you are needed
i wrote the other day, "there is a hole. like part of me is missing. and i patch it to get through the day, but when i look under that bandaid—it's still there. how do i fill it? how do i forget it?"
dear sad girl,
little by little, God is filling it. he takes the sting away one day at a time. i overflow with the amount of love he has for me. for blessing me with seriously inspired and loving friends. the ones that wake up in the late hours to comfort me and ache with me. the ones that change the song on the radio cause they know how it hurts my insides. the ones that send me love letters. who listen to me fall apart. who just listen. my prayers always begin with thanks for these sweet beings.
there are even better things to come.
i am eternally grateful for a God that knows me.
who knows how to love me
who knows what is better for me