Sunday, August 1, 2010

your own sound

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
2 timothy 1:7

oh i really loved today
and it just began

i feel an overwhelming sense of comfort and happiness and hope
we women at church talked about this scripture today. a lot of thoughts went through my mind.

Fear is something i never really spent time thinking about
but the fact that God casts this fear out (that fear is not given by God) is the true converting power in my life
it is one of the greatest aspects of the gospel
i began searching for truth and help and comfort at a time in my life where i have never been more afraid
i feared for my brother
i feared for how to live with pain
and it is through God's love, his Holy Ghost, that i feel POWER and LOVE and have a SOUND MIND
despite the world
the trials
the evil

this makes me happy
and whole and complete
this makes me feel like i am never alone and that HE knows me

I think i am a lil paranoid as a person
i fear heights and weird food and people that don't speak english (i know that sounds bad..)
i fear that people are missing out on hearing the gospel when i don't live righteously or obey the promptings i receive
i fear bears and sharks, and people breaking into my home
i fear something bad happening to my grandma
i fear not being able to get pregnant
i fear the reactions of sharing my testimony with my family
i fear evil cats and falling asleep with my candles burning
i fear drowning
i fear osteoporosis
i fear of being an over protective mother (after looking at this list...hahaaa)
i fear my dreams will end and i'll be boring in my head
i fear getting cancer
i fear failure so naturally
and when i just got dumped, i fear being alone
i fear being so crummy that no guy wants me
i fear my weaknesses and imperfections will curse me

and when i shower home alone, i fear someone will stab through the shower curtain sometimes. or that they're waiting outside the door. i fear that someone is in my back seat of my car or ready to rape me when im out running

and in all those times, and for all of those things, I have faith enough to close my eyes
and say a prayer
i plead for the Spirit to be with me
i plead for protection, comfort, and a clear mind
i plead for peace and joy

and every time He grants it unto me
His Spirit dispels fear
this is so wonderful to me.
during my ruts when i haven't sincerely prayed in a while, and it seems i think i can "do" life alone, I ironically find myself in a fearful position, my first and immediate reaction is always to pray
it comes so naturally and can just as quickly fill me with love and stillness and confidence
i use to walk (err.. run) home from the beesleys house when i was young. it would be late at night and i would be scared. i would, even out loud, call on God to be with me.
and that is all my troubled heart would need to feel POWER and LOVE and become SOUND.

fear has been immobilizing at times
prevents progress
it is the workings of the adversary
but inviting the Spirit into your mind and heart will cast out all fear
it is what fills me with joy and it is what gives me hope that I am not perfect but it will be ok
it is what gives me hope that i will be safe
life isn't going to go as Desiree plans but as God plans, and that he kind of knows better =]

As i let my thoughts go of being "sad" and i trust in this plan that God has, i become full of peace
and i will forever praise His name for helping me everyday in this way
I don't know how i could ever get through life if i had to fight fear alone

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