at least theres something beating in my chest

i want to play today and nap and eat warm things

instead i have errands to run, a treadmill to run, and photos to run

its ok though cuz i don't have ANY homework to do today.

for some strange reason

i really feel like eating with chop sticks

and i want fancy ones

i think my hair is getting longer..

all thanksgiving—i haven't taken any pictures at all.

thats awful.

i have had the laziest luck lately. procrastinating EVERYTHING

i have zero motivation with school

(please pray for my grades)

AND i haven't ran in three days

i'm pretty sure i just spent the past 4 days head to toe in the Brown home eating all their pumpkin pie and smiling over it all

it's been wonderful

i ooze with projects that i would so rather be doing than studying.

top 5 things i am thankful for:

1 the savior/holy ghost/plan of happiness/ a loving heavenly father

2 family- his/mine/those to come/hugs and kisses/grammies confetti/little girls/warmth

3 passion- the possibility of the most real love/SEEING/overflowing with creativity/old things

4 health-my senses/my freedom

5 costco dried mangoes/pumpkin pie (do not mix)—if you were to grab a tiny slice of heaven and munch on it..it would taste like that

im so proud my thanksgiving rolls weren't an utter disaster.

they were delish!

thanks to the help of jb

horray!

i promise i won't blog again until i have something good to say.

oh its gunna be good.

goodnight cow jumping over the moon.

verbs. act.

this is my favorite outfit..i wish i could live in flannel, toms, and some skinny jeans everyday.

i have the best job ever.

i'm so very excited for the holidays but i am busy busy busy.

school is literally killing me right now. i may or may not pass chemistry.

photos need did.

books are left on hold.

my workout regime is disrupted by 36 degree weather.

p.s. today is suppose to have some huge blizzard. tuesday afternoon they say.

the hit of the century. or something.

wish me luck.

i just envisioned me blowing away like the wizard of oz...

THAT would be a cool photoshoot...hmm

"sometimes we expect more from others

because we would be willing to do that much for them"

i read that this week. so true.

my mom tells me to lower my expectations so that im not disappointed.

sad.

theres snow outside the window

i am procrastinating in the worst ways

i'm even late to work cuz i don't want to get ready

i have other things on my mind

oh brother.

dear research paper,

please be quick and painless

i don't have time for your sports imagery nonsense.

love

me

are we there yet?

i sat at this spot.

atop a rock. my favorite blanket wrapped around me. i just sat.

and watched this boy.

i held my camera snuggled in my arms like a baby

i brought it to my eye. rested it on my knees. and i think i even kissed it.

i soaked in the sun

i closed my eyes

and just listened

tears streamed down my cheeks

i could feel it in my heart

or deeper than my heart

and there arn't words that can do it justice

my being overflowing.

the ocean wasn't even big enough for it that day.

i watched him hop from rock to rock

i watched him discover crabs in the cracks

i rested my head on my camera and opened my thoughts.

there are some moments so precious

there are somethings so sacred that they should not be shared. my impressions were of such. i cried in prayer to my heavenly father. i whispered thank yous for my beautiful life, for all the details, for all the people, for all the joy, for the strength, for the creativity, for the peace i feel

the air was salty and my tears warmed my cheeks, coating tracks

i looked at him and thought i've never felt so much gratitude before

i've never felt such a profound desire to make someone happy

and for now, all i can say is this

God really does know us and love us

having a desire and trying to live to have his Spirit with you is the greatest change you can make in your life

he will guide you, he will bless you

and there has never been a sweeter gift

"they say the home is where the heart is"

we're home.

and today,

my home is in salt lake

working in the cold

but my home has never

felt so warm

there is a fireplace and moonlight

and racing hearts

and the smell of autumn

and even with the piercing cold air,

i smile

forgive anyway

"your own memory becomes a videotape within your soul.."

i have been loving THIS sweet smushy song

i decided i want (need?) a video camera. camcorder? what are they called?

i want to make lil movie clips about life.

inspired by THIS sweet smushy wedding video that makes me giddy and squirm in love

OH man LOVE

videos and photography and creating things for my use and making albums and listening to music and designing weddings and playing with babies and antique shopping and arranging flowers

thats all i want to do. for a living.

whats the movie where the kid says, "IT CAN HAPPEN!"

i don't remember. but maybe just maybe

it can happen

er

it's happening

ITS HAPPENING!!

hm. well. today i learned that people that forgive are happier.

hm.

i wrote: forgiveness-one of those keys to a successful marriage.

"forgiving heals your memory as you change you memory's vision."

"forgive them for they know not what they do." forgive people that arn't even sorry.

don't let negativity rise (and stay) within you

forgiving free's yourself

allows you to feel joy

allows you to feel love

we are commanded to love one another

only forgiveness heals.

-especially, the family-

this wasn't so constructive. i had really wonderful thoughts. but i am distracted because im packing and packing excitement to get on the road. maybe i can write on it again. =)

dear ocean,

i'm coming. i am. see you soon.

i know, i missed you too.

love,

des

my mushy ramblings

love is not perfect.

er.

being in love doesn't mean everything is perfect. all the time.

i remember steve saying i read too many nicholas sparks books (like the notebook). that i had an expectation for a "perfect" love.

i dream. i do it in the most loveliest forms. my dreaming is fanciful.

the creativity runs wild. and i love it.

but it is not necessarily my expectations. perhaps when i was younger i thought it was possible. gullible. naive. a dreamer =]

and i still dream. its healthy and happy. but i have learned.

i have learned so very much.

we learn that the pure love of Christ is 100% selfless. charity.

"...pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers..." moroni 7:45

love is sacrifice.

it is learning to give.

love is something that develops not something you find all the sudden.

it is not perfect.

it is not always happy.

it is a willingness to work.

i was watching the wedding planner (with jlo. ridiculous right?) saturday night AND i learned something. or was reminded of something. I've blogged about arranged marriages before, and how our culture is different from others in this aspect. I feel that it is easy, and so many people believe in the wrong concept of love. It is misunderstood.

in the wedding planner, she learns about her parents having an arranged marriage and how they didn't really like each other at first. but when he was sick, she took care of him. they sacrificed for each other. the learned to like each other. then like turned to love. and it seems to forever be growing.

i know that in every relationship each person is imperfect. on top of that, the relationship will be imperfect. there are going to be bad times, hard times, disagreements, and lulls. are you willing to stick it out during those times? are you willing to sacrifice for that person? are they worth it to you? the storms will come. where will your roots be? will there be a stable foundation in the gospel? will you have developed strong communication? do you have the same goal in mind?

i took a picture on my phone of a quote i saw painted on a red wooden heart, "love gives you a fairytale".

i'm living my fairytale.

i really am. prettier than even my dreams painted.

and it's imperfect. and to me, that's what makes it so perfect.

he isn't a cookie cut of perfection. but darn, he's close.

it creates the opportunity to grow and progress and learn and become who i need to be.

and gosh, would it be boring if it was perfect.

i know that life will happen. trials and struggles and people will die. and for some reason i keep thinking i want him to be the one i tell all my fears to. the one i cry to. the friend i figure out how to create a life with despite the struggles.

and i feel like this is what love really is.

for the first time

i think i've felt it.

the fireworks in my belly

my sister. kristy.

im coming home next week. yeeeeeee!!

sorry for the lack of blogging. i have been busy resisting the urge to barf.

i'm off to the store to get sprite and pepto. and yes, i still call my mom crying when i am sick.

there's no one like kristy to bring me advil when i'm dying..

i may or may not live.

love,

me

p.s. if i do die,

at my funeral: i want everyone to eat lindts white chocolate truffles, and wear bright colored clothes and sing hie to kolab and some other favorite hymns and everyone should eat dried mangoes and sip on apple beer. and maybe there should be colorful windmills and a game of bocce ball.

ah.

the end

morning

the past couple of nights i have been sleeping on my arms in such a way that they keep falling asleep

going numb

hurting

and waking me up

i hate it

OH

even when i don't really believe in horoscopes, mine has a way of ticking me off some days.

Hi Desiree! Here is your Daily Horoscope for Monday, November 1 Those around you seem to be operating on different assumptions than you are, and that could be bad news for them -- and you, unfortunately! There's not much you can do about it until a day or two have passed.

super. don't even send these out man. only love and kisses and happy thoughts are welcome in my inbox. yes. thank you.

greater power to do good

a powerful speaker spoke at church today. he is just a man, but with the spirit: i was enlightened.

"something about you

moved Jesus Christ enough

to leave his throne,

to come to earth,

to suffer for you."