we
are
all
becoming

the unmundane

i have found myself, spontaneously and somewhat unconsciously, in a scary and very cool spot in my life.
i feel that i am embarking on a new process. a process i have done before.
but this time in a different way.
and i assume (and hope) to repeat this process over and over again so long as i have blood pumping through me.

this process has many proper names.
but i like to call it: reinventing myself.

this morning i had an interesting experience doing something very mundane.
for a moment, i considered physically stepping on something that is very sacred, and special to me.
quickly, i had the thought, 'why would i ever consider putting my feet of all things on it? stepping on it under foot?'  I noted to myself, my feet are probably the most unclean part of my body.  Then i considered the symbolism of it all.
i was overwhelmed by my next thought.
a thought that wasn't something i came up with alone. nor had i ever heard of it.

i thought of the last supper.  i thought of Jesus Christ taking into his pure, clean, sacred hands the dirty feet of his disciples.  I thought of the disciples protesting and astonished that the Lord would serve them so. Such a truly, deeply humble act to stoop at the level of their feet, to wash them, and bless them.

i thought of how Christ takes the most unclean parts of each of us.  I thought about the mistakes I have made and my weaknesses that he has already taken into his hands, and washed of me.  I can completely genuinely say that by seeking Jesus Christ and going through 'this process' over and over again, has made me a better person.

reinventing myself includes celebrating my life.
it includes recognizing my talents and great qualities.
it really includes being honest with myself.
reinventing myself is taking my weaknesses and flaws and areas where i lack, and improving!
it includes pushing myself to be something better.
to not settling.
to growing.

when i have honesty recognized a part of my personality or way i react or negative feelings toward someone else that are short of being perfect, i have often struggled to bring that to Christ in prayer, and genuinely felt that he can help me with it.  But as I have done it multiple times, i can feel that i am really, actually, truly strengthened and given the help i need to overcome them.  My goal is to just be a little bit better each day and to never give up on trying to improve.
And this is the gospel of Jesus Christ.

shine

i am dreaming of this today.
i could almost feel the sunshine on my skin and the warmth enfold me.
it's approximately 25 degrees here in utah today.
snowy/rainy.

as soon as the rain hit my windshield this morning—it froze.
when i stepped out of my car, i fell on my butt.  black ice.
one day, this iceland will thaw. and i will go running.

until then, i am sick. stuffed nose, sore throat, hearty/painful coughs.
but thats life.

today i began oil pulling.
thought it was interesting and wanted to see if i felt any benefits of doing it.
i tried sesame oil.  it tasted like the oil on top of a fresh jar of peanut butter.
i endured until i had a massive cough attack. then i spit it out and dry heaved.
bleht.

still i'll keep trying it!
click here to find out what oil pulling is.

well life is good.  it is so difficult. but it is good.

Love is a choice

All each person really wants is to feel wanted, needed, and loved. We want to feel of significance.

The divorce rates are so high because people selfishly forget to choose to love.

Love doesnt magically disappear, we just neglect to do it.

You have the choice.

healing hearts

i don't know if i am yet ready to be more public about writing about my experiences and trials.
because i have not fully overcome them.  i'm not looking back as this new and recovered person yet.
the wounds are still fresh enough.
but this video was shared with me, and helped me feel something better, so i would like to share it with you.


http://www.ksl.com/?nid=296&sid=17510168


like many people, i too thought this addiction would have little effect on a person.  a relationship.  a marriage.  my young and naive mind had no idea what was in store, what was going on, or how to handle it.

it has been years.
but i am finally putting that anguish in a place. a good place. a place outside of me. so i can be happy.

one day, i will share all my feelings.  only in hopes to help other people who might be going through similar things.  but for now.  all i have is friendship to extend, love to give, a Heavenly Father to turn to, and lots of learning.

if this video touches you, or finds you wanting to know more, please send me an email and i would be happy to chat about it.  deziray2@yahoo.com

labor.

I watched them tearing a building down,

A gang of men in a busy town.

With a ho-heave-ho and lusty yell,

They swung a beam and a sidewall fell.

I asked the foreman, “Are these men skilled,

As the men you’d hire if you had to build?”

He gave me a laugh and said, “No indeed!

Just common labor is all I need.

I can easily wreck in a day or two

What builders have taken a year to do.”

And I tho’t to myself as I went my way,

Which of these two roles have I tried to play?

Am I a builder who works with care,

Measuring life by the rule and square?

Am I shaping my deeds by a well-made plan,

Patiently doing the best I can?

Or am I a wrecker who walks the town,

Content with the labor of tearing down?

– Unknown

i like genuine things. things that are true.

Post nap love

Today calls for
A list of things i love!


•i love my new down/feather pillow that i just drooled on as i napped

•i love using expensive toilet paper

•i love going to bed with wet hair

•i love hipster film photographers

•i love instagram because i really love to look at pretty things

•i love feeling peace and harmony and security

•i love filtered, clean, ice cold water

•i love having warm feet

•i love the gospel of Jesus Christ of latter day saints

•i love lucy dunn, even if she does live far away

•i love more daylight in my evenings

•i love to spin/cycle without a shirt on (rarely do i get caught)

•i love when someone else serves me dinner

•i love homemade caramels

•i love all white bedding, lace, and shopping for throw pillows

•i love dreaming of travels and adventures

•i love humble people

•and i love negative space

life is good.

some days are just heavy.
my heart aches.

some days i look at those days and think they are so small. and everything is just wonderful.

but not today
today is a heavy day.  and i took the time to write.
and i took the time to listen to the scriptures.
and i took the time to read about other peoples thoughts and life.
and i took the time to look at pretty things.

and i am reminded how this life isn't a time just to get through. its not meant just for work. or just for play. its not meant to be sad and painful either.

it is meant as a time to prepare.
to prepare to meet God.


and honestly every goal we have, everything that occupies our time—we should be able to link to this sole purpose.



on a heavy day, like this rigidly cold one, i loved hearing my mothers voice. and i appreciated caring words that a dear friend texted me. and i got to make my man breakfast, even if i did burn it.  and i got to cry to my best friend.  and she called quickly and listened.  and i didn't feel alone today.
and my heart was full with gratitude for my teaching job, and for my photography.
i beam with passion when i think about the blessings in my life.



paul and i made it a goal some time in september to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year.
we both made it within the last few hours left of the year.
i will admit there was some speed reading going on at points for me, but i am grateful for our dedication to this goal.  i love that book.  it holds mysteries that i don't and may not grasp in this life.  it holds truth and also simple things.  simple ways to live life.
and i know that this is a true book.

i need to remind myself:
life is ALWAYS  better when it is in alignment with God's will.

sometimes i forget that. and i try to do it a different way.
silly me.
i'm learning.  and i am grateful to Jesus Christ for giving me a way to always realign,
that one day I may dwell with Him and my Heavenly Father again.

Welcome 2013

Happy New Year to You!!!

I feel ready for a fresh new year.
(Long, thought out, lofty goal list to come soon)