enjoy everything.

its almost 2012.

i kinda want to cry

but instead i smile

i've had one of the most needed years. i learned so much.

in 2011, i found myself. i really began to understand me.

things became clear.

my purpose and goals crystalized.

i love this unpredictable life i have.

i have zero idea what 2012 holds for me. but i am smiling. and looking forward to it.

bring it on!

i'm so happy to find joy in these ups and downs.

i'm excited to sketch out some new goals and dreams.

hope.

i love you.

come what may and love it.

santa cruz

DECEMBER. i hated the soft sand in my toes, but i loved the heat on my face. i enjoyed a much needed nap and was pleasantly awakened with the sound of rolling waves. dear beach, i missed your tranquility.
his freckles like sand.

danny. he is somewhat awesome. can't ya tell?

im back home in utah. and as much as i love my family, the beach, the sweet california sun—i'm where i belong here, snugged against the mountains.

Lights

Happy days. I love my family. I love the warmth and treats and wrapping paper and warm california sun and my nephew cooing. Life is good!

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Pines

This is my favorite photo of my grandpa and grammie. So sweet. So italian. Gram is stirring the raviolis now. Merry Christmas!

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Leaves are on the trees here

Made it home. California is sooo pleasantly warm to me. Holding my nephew, laughing until I snort, and my mamas good cookin. Life is so good.
So thankful for my life and all the goodness God gives me.

Share your love! Happy night :)

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noel

what is your favorite christmas song???

I've been loving michael buble's christmas album and seeing that local folk band, lower lights!

lower lights..

The Lower Lights: Come Let Us Adore Him from The Lower Lights on Vimeo.

i've kind of realized this christmas that I don't really know the words to all the traditional christmas songs/hymns… so i've been listening to my lower lights album, and paying attention in church to learn them. it's been so fun. does your family sing the christmas songs??? mine probably lip sing them… so now im going to learn them.

music is such a quick way to invite the Spirit.

here is my favorite christmas song to sing this season..

i have decided on four new christmas traditions i want with my future family and home.

1. sing the christmas songs together ( i don't really like caroling) but maybe just around the house, at family home evening, have them playing. i hate cheesy, loud, bliarring bells, christmas music.. but i would love some peaceful christmas songs playing in the background…

2. reading, together, about the Saviors birth from the scriptures. maybe on christmas eve? maybe with a song or two? maybe with homemade fudge? yumm

3. a christmas party. i want to throw a christmas party a week before christmas with all of our best friends. dress fancy. have a big tree. make a fun fancy dinner and treats. a creative little gift for each couple. the kids in the movie room. maybe a lil dancing in my living room? oh, and a fireplace is needed.

4. the nutcracker. my sweet lucy took me to see the ballet last night. it was very magical. and beautiful. i loved it. we dressed ourselves up and enjoyed the show. i would love to do that every year from now on.. such a great way to get you in the christmas spirit!

i have been strongly impressed to remember that christmas is about Christ.

Born is the King of Israel. HE is the greatest gift we could ever be given.

If you don't know him yet, seek after him.

There is nothing more peaceful and comforting in this holiday season than to remember your Savior, your God.

Happy Wednesday. I'm off to the temple after i make some nutella fudge!

Im dreaming

Ive been shooting film in my dreams.
Its a sign of things to come.
Im terribly excited.
I can take a hint.

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Jude.

Everyone is engaged. Tis the season. To post up under some mistletoe. I love that I can see things like this chair. Im filled with happiness that no one else knows of. I delight in the best music lately. These things are made for me.
Happy monday. Where did this past year go?

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Let us adore

Last night. I watched a group of amazing musicians come together to cover christmas songs with a folky twang. They touched my heart.
The music pierced my being and moved me.
I watched a man cradle his newborn and dance with her in the corner. The venue had vintage furniture, chunky gawdy picture frames, and carved crown molding. It was such a great experience for me personally. The blur of christmas lights on the ground. The thoughts about blessings God has given us. Some peace in my heart. For the first time in a while, I knew of stillness.

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The woman who thought she could

Today. I graduated college.

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please just skip me

warning: i'm having a mid twenties crisis. just skip this post and move forward in life.

people are typically overjoyed to be graduating.

excited and party. i am happy to be done with homework and the like.

but i came home balling just now. like the ugly cry in the car and you know the person next to you just pointed at you.

my second to last class we went around the room and said what our plan is next…

people mentioned all the grad schools they have interviewed with, who accepted them, and such. two girls said they were pregnant and now moving on to that chapter. my ego was jabbing at my heart. i made a joke when it came to my turn. made people laugh and they moved to the next grad student.

this goal i have been working on for years and devoted so much of myself to has amounted to nothing. like its no big deal. when i mention im graduating, everyone just says :

ok, well what are you going to do now? where are you going to grad school? you're not going? but you're not even dating anyone..????

i feel like a failure. because i don't have anything lined up, because i don't have plans for more formal education.

and the fact that there is no ceremony in December for graduates doesn't help lessen the value of this accomplishment.

i hate feeling like i havn't done enough, that i'm below the bar, or that my knowledge/talents will go unused.

i don't want to be stuck in mediocrity.

it is my greatest fear to be boring, to settle, to be the norm.

i don't mean for this to be so selfish and sad. I just don't know what happened to celebrating a bachelors degree. why is graduating hs such a bigger deal?? you don't even have to apply yourself to graduate high school…

eh, i'm fine. just stressed out and emotional. DONE after tomorrow! i'll treat myself to some thai food. have a happy day!! i'm gunna bust out the rest of this research paper!

darling dear

we become like those things we habitually love and admire.

this i surrender

i am 1/3 done with the research paper. i'm celebrating progress by listening to amazing music.

i can't make you love me, if you don't.

i surrender anything i can't control.

this is peaceful.

love. i absolutely love. life has so many good things.

i have tears in my eyes listening to this song. he is talented-his voice is stunning, his hands on the keys. the amount of love i feel today is immeasurable.

i thought about my family in church today and my heart overflowed. i am so grateful for the life i have been given. i love the music that graces my ears, i love the beauty of this place i live, i love feeling connected to people, i really love latin dancing.

i realize i may sound like i am repeating myself on here, but i am just richly blessed for the basics of my life. i can't express enough gratitude.

i also realize this life i have is the product of God's hand.

WHEN i open myself up to his will, act on the impressions i receive, his plan unfolds. and it is always prettier than mine.

i reread my patriarchal blessing and pondered my path in life.

graduation is at the door and i have a lot of thoughts and emotions about opening that door. it is very clear to me that my field of study is not a coincidence. i have been blessed with a couple of attributes that came forth and began to shine as i studied in college. these will be important in my degree of success with communicating and teaching others in my life. i love my education. i love the knowledge i have and the opportunity to help other people with it.

i have literally no idea where to go from here, but i am not stressed about it in the least. i am excited for a new journey. for changes. for more opportunities to learn and broaden my horizons. i want to develop new talents and learn to rock climb. i want to do the splits and do the bachata better than the latin girls. i want to read books of my choice. i want to learn to make curry. i want to travel and see portland. i want to sew a new christmas stocking. i want to loose myself in service and know more people. i want to try to be more uplifting and positive.

i almost fell over the other day when i realized how much more patient i am than what i use to be. I watched myself have control and bite my tongue. my insides didn't turn out of anger at the situation. i have much more control in my level of patience lately. i've been working on this for YEARS and i am so thankful to even see this tiny progression.

life is good. He is molding me.

the toilet aint gunna clean itsself

fact.

today i've done everything to put off my research paper.

i even decided that i HAD to clean the toilet.

i preferred it over this paper. even though it ain't that bad.

ally & greg

my paper is on the physiological effects of physical activity on hormones. I am choosing to focus on the details of estrogen/testosterone, cortisol, and another hormone that i haven't quite decided yet…

here is something interesting:

cortisol is the hormone released in response to stress (insert photo of me). cortisol suppresses the immune system, decreases bone formation, and increases blood sugar.

ways to reduce cortisol—

magnesium supplements

music therapy

massage therapy

laughing

crying

vitamin c

omega 3's

regular dancing to argentine tango

sex

try these out eh?! this is close to my life minus 2 or 3 things…

bring on the dancing!!!

white blank page

it doesn't look like this anymore.

how much do you want to walk down that sidewalk and hear the leaves under your feet??

oh i'm so happy to enjoy things.

it's below freezing daily.

i've been deciding the past couple weeks how to control my heart.

i even hoped to be more neutral and numb like a normal person. someone who doesn't fall in love with everything and everyone. it hasn't been fun.

i give up. i would rather break every time than not feel at all.

how do people do it?

i sat listening to beautiful music and edited images today.

i was nearly in tears because the image was exactly what i wanted. i loved it.

i love my life. i love the details. the things i get to see. the talented and lovely people im blessed to meet. i love my testimony and the relationship i have with the savior. i love the snuggleness of this season. i love that chance i have to create, and to laugh. i can't help but fall in love every other second.

i'm doomed.

with the wind

"There is nothing more powerful than to be around a person who is light, not a judge; who is a model, not a critic."

the scaglione family. sweet family friends since we were just babies.

" you can't change all things, you can't change people; you can only change yourself. "

Closer

It is cold here. Im strangely excited about feeling the real spirit of christmas. My work outs have been awesome but I crave sugar more than ever. Im happy. My smiles have never been so genuine as they were this weekend. What a good feeling.

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thanksgiving

me, kristy, mum, deanna, & mikey

recently someone asked me what the happiest day of my life has been.

my immediate answer was either my mom's or my baby sister's baptism.

those memories. those moments and the amount of love that i could feel surpass everything else i have experienced.

i have found that i am overjoyed when i feel God's love for me, but I begin to understand Him better when I feel how much he loves other people. When I can feel how dear others are to him, watch him work miracles in their lives, and feel the Holy Ghost—i am the happiest girl.

i love these people. my family is the best. happy weekend. i have a smile on my face.

become an island of excellence in a sea of mediocrity

do you ever ask WHY?

why did you just do that?

why did he/she say that?

why do i need to do this?

why was this created?

why is it the way it is?

there is a quote somewhere on this blog that says something about TRUE LEARNING IS GAINED BY ASKING QUESTIONS NOT ANSWERS.

i've been teaching myself to ask a lot of why's. not sad "why me?"-- but seeking to understand things. I ask a lot of why's about the human body. i ask a lot of whys about the gospel. i ask a lot of whys about relationships and communication. i ask a lot of whys about my motives.

i was on the treadmill (yes! yeeeek, i hate the treadmill!! but it's too cold here now. snow has fallen) yesterday and i was watching people workout. as a certified personal trainer, this is a painful task. i want to yell out at some of them before they hurt themselves. so as i was observing, and deciding how to correct their form/workout/technique, i thought about the reasons why i would give for every change i made. i realized that when we (the person working out) understands WHY the change is necessary then value will be added to the change. they will sustain and respect the change because they can see exactly why it is necessary.

it makes sense for me to inform you that when you arch your back during a chest press, that you are actually making your workout less efficient. you are no longer using solely the chest muscles, but now your back (a stronger muscle) is being used to pull the weight. you don't want this unless you are trying to strengthen your back in an indirect way. now that you understand WHY, you would likely make the change to your form so that you can get more out of your time in your workout. right????

i thought about this in other aspects of life.

when we begin to understand why God gives us each commandment, they become easier and more logical to follow. they hold more value to you and you recognize the need for it.

when we begin to understand why we go to college, it begins to become significant on a more meaningful level. this inspires motivation to do it.

there is peace in understanding the WHY.

I think many people don't know why they are on the earth.

why do you think you're here?

once you have answered this question for yourself, new meaning is taken to the past, present, and future. your decisions will be affected by this answer. value is added to your existence.

we ought to seek to teach others by teaching them the WHY to everything.

to children and adults alike.

when we begin to earnestly seek out in our minds the WHY to all things, our knowledge will grow. we will be better off for it. we will be able to make necessary changes. and be motivated to sustain truth.

“I desire the Spirit of God to know and understand myself, that I might be able to overcome whatever of tradition or nature that would not tend to my exaltation in the eternal worlds. I desire a fruitful, active mind, that I may be able to comprehend the designs of God, when revealed through His servants without doubting.”

—Emma Smith, the prophet Joseph Smith's wife