Sunday, January 30, 2011

can you go today?

if you feel the way i do
or have ever felt the way i do
or may feel the way i do in the future,

a lil lengthy but AMAZING and genuine concepts here..
it was given by an apostle this month.
i apologize for all my spiritual talk by the way. it's been that kind of time.
and you know what? i don't apologize at all. i'm sorry, i don't write on this blog to please anyone (whoops!). this is just real. and maybe it's boring.

today i realized something and i don't know why i didn't think of it before.
these past few weeks have really caused me to rely on the lord. and although i recognized the hand of God in my life before, and i followed his commandments and tried to be the best me—i had forgotten to really remember the savior like i should, like i promise every week to do. so here i am—he brings me to my knees again. it forces me to straighten out and reconfigure and be humble.
do i really believe he hears me pray? do i honestly believe that he lived and died to suffer for my sins, my pain, my loneliness? do i really think he will help me? really though?

it causes me to actually have faith.
not talk of it, not read of it, not tell others about it. but to really USE it.
one on one.
to exercise that particle of faith. that seed planted within me.
and you know what? i'm the happiest girl in the world.
i have felt the love and comfort that only my savior knew how to give me. people have cried for me and prayed for me and wished they could take my hurt away. and thank goodness for such wonderful people in my life. but it is only him that can mend me. and he really has. and he really did immediately. i fell on my knees and he listened and comforted me.
he gave me an immeasurable swelling of peace that i needed. he didn't answer my prayers the way i wished, he didn't give me an "ah ha!", he didn't set the game plan out for me

but he held me (sorry i cant describe it better..) he gave me a clear mind and peace and hope
i could feel his spirit
and i really, honestly, could not be more happy for this chance i have to grow closer to Christ.
i feel so blessed to even know about him and be able to have a relationship with him.
it is so real. and i know that one day at a time he is helping me be a lil bit better, a lil bit stronger, and a lil bit more like him

“I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever: and the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world” (John 6:35, 47–51).

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