Sunday, January 23, 2011

and it came to pass

my heart really does ache. like one time i grabbed it and said ouch.

i've been trying so hard to practice the things i have learned/read/believe
i'm trying to be strong everyday and put a smile on
i'm trying to do all my normal chores
i'm really trying to do the Lord's will
i'm trying to eat
i'm trying to serve/think of others
i'm trying to not cry
i'm trying to sleep

but my dreams are the worst.
and i get upset with myself for not wanting to do anything
and i get depressed that i have no motivation to do school work

so, naturally—from years of experience, i fell into the things i must do to survive:
-i run
-i pray
-i distract myself
-i write
-i pray some more
..then repeat

i heard the quote in church today, "the one that loves the least controls the relationship"
gah. i hate that quote.
or maybe i hate that its true.
so what do you do?
strive to not love people? don't let yourself open up to anyone?
that seems to be safest.


Tiana said...

A running theme in my service today was based around Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Jesus kept loving when there was no reciprocation. Since we should be striving to be more like him- NEVER STOP LOVING! It's what you do best girl and don't ever be discouraged to use that powerful muscle you were blessed with. This is all part of the plan...big man has it under control ; )

mom said...

I think Tiana hit the nail on the head. It's all part of the plan.