early to bed

"sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand"



as i was running today, i realized something that i can feel for the first time.
it was kind of foreign. and likable.
it has taken an amazing 22 years for me to realize that i can not depend on anyone else to make me happy.
and that's easy to say. even easier to read. but to grasp the concept, and live it is entirely different. and almost impossible it seems.

for the first time in a really long time, i am happy. entirely, wholly, genuinely happy.
there are many things and people to blame for that. but mostly myself--for not depending on a crutch or an unattainable dream or a phone call or the art of others. i have created my happiness out of raw and organic simplicities of life.
soft pillows
freshly painted nails
the biggest cups of hot tea
being able to balance on one foot, then on my toes, and into dancers pose =]
quiet melodies
strangers smiles
pretty dresses
his laugh
my new rock star haircut
dry humor
warm friends
other countries
and more than anything: the photos

and now i will go read before i fall to sleep.