Sunday, December 12, 2010

cause without you things go hazy

it makes my heart swell. it's colder here. this is utah lake. i live a mile from it.

i write when i overflow.
it's an energy inside me that i have to free.
it usually comes out my eyes,
in liquid fashion. i find myself, some days, spontaneously crying.

he reminds me.
BEGIN rant here...
the scriptures state the words, "remember, remember.." over and over. i have begun to highlight them. what is this about? we promise to remember the savior when we are baptized. and what does this mean? why should we do this?
the adversary tries to make us forget.
his sole purpose is to have us forget who we are. confuse our identity.
he wants us to forget our purpose in this life, WHY we believe and do the things that we do.

he wants us to forget the feelings of inspiration we have had. he wants us to forget our savior and loving God. he wants us to forget our worth.
the adversary wins. all. the. time.

i find myself begging others to remember. remember those days, remember those feelings, remember? I find myself begging myself to remember. please. remember the joy, remember the strength, remember the blessings, remember promises, remember he has given you power.
please don't let me forget this.

the savior helps me to remember. the spirit shows me forever.
in my dream i get lost. things are confusing. i have anxiety. life goes chaotic. and josh talks me through it and holds my hand.

he reminds me who i am. reminds me to keep dreaming. reminds me to be true. reminds me to be soft. reminds me reach my potential.

he reminds me to stretch a little.
he reminds me to not wear brown and black together
to think before i speak
to create

it's one of these times where all the pieces fit. and even though finals are tomorrow and i have barely studied, and i have 100 reasons to be stressed out—i'm not. my heart is calm. i am filled. when i begin to doubt myself, all i have to do is look around me. I feel so much love from my Father in heaven. He fills me so.

i keep thinking about this christmas season. and I am reminded to REMEMBER.
i don't care about the gifts, i don't care about the details, the dinner (ok maybe a little on the raviolis..).
just like all my silly worries, just like the dream where i had a crappy wedding photographer AND lost my veil—none of it matters. what is really important here?
Remember, remember— the savior
the blessings in your life
the people around you
your health
passion, talents, opportunity

i have everything i could ever need or want
i am forever grateful

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