i had this thought as we are driving home from moab. and i figured i would get home and write, but i know, when i get home i will stress about unpacking and cleaning and it wont happen.
so i write this thought now. on my phone.
i dont know if i saw this in a movie recently, or maybe in a song, perhaps it was in my dreams.
I considered that maybe i have spent years defining myself by the worst things ive ever done or said.
has my crappiest parts of my past defined me? have i said i did this, THAT is what i am?
we do this to other people all the time. Don't we? SHE did this to us, THAT is what she is. HE is a drunk, that's what he is. She has commited this sin or that. He has bad grades, has gotten into trouble, he IS a wayward teen. She said this one thing that was hurtful and mean, SHE IS horrible.
As if thats all we are.
I have had times where I have considered my wrong doings in life and have had to remind myself, ' I AM a good person. I understand I made a mistake and was wrong. I understand WHY i made that decision at the time and WHAT led to that action. Overall I have good intentions and want to be great to others, helpful, and loving. I want to spread light and goodness. I am doing well. My mistakes do not define me.'
I do not dismiss crime, sin, mistakes. But i am afraid that if I have spent time feeling like long ago mistakes have defined me as 'bad' now, many others do too.
Another note, you may have a thought about 'forgiving yourself' for past mistakes. This is not exactly what im talking about. I have sought restituion and forgiveness for misgivings and feel peace about that, but what i am talking about here is deep down. Deep down what do you feel about yourself. And how do you feel others think of you (which whether you like to think so or not, influences you). AND how do you think (judge, may i say? Dont panic) of others?
Maybe all i am saying--our wrong doings arent ALL we've done. I am afraid particularly younger people feel defined by mistakes that lead to bigger mistakes as the believe that is WHAT they are. I'm afraid we look at others for their choices that hurt us and thats all we can see. We don't let ourselves see they are mostly good and that there is reason for their actions, whether right or wrong.
We're all human.
I AM TOO.
And thats ok.
More than OK, that's what this life on Earth is SUPPOSE to be like. Flawed. Imperfect.
Can we look at our spouse and be accepting of that? Can we look at ourselves and recognize that we are not define by our flaws?
Can we look at our enemy and accept they are broken