some pages turn

my heart has really ached for people lately.

i have climbed out of my hole- it seems. my wounds are scarring up.

and it feels great.

i feel selfish for being so consumed. im sorry.

but i am forever grateful for the opportunity i had to learn. im grateful to more deeply understand the atonement of Jesus Christ. my relationship with God has just grown more precious.

my heart just aches for people dealing with pain and guilt and sadness. i know what its like. i know about the crying on the bathroom floor. and i wish i could take it all away for each person i am thinking of. i cry for them. i wish i could pick them up and show their hearts that it will be ok. it really will. Jesus Christ has hurt for you and me, so that we don't fully have to. he literally will pick you up, strengthen your heart, and fill your very being with joy. i know He has the power to do this for each of us, especially in our own lowest of days.

i wish i could take the hurt away. i wish i could help people understand the power in having a relationship with the Savior.

i read this morning about a very amazing man. he is mormon, and he has same gender attraction. he is incredibly talented and blessed and it humbles me to read his words.

i want to help people find happiness. maybe i should have been a psych major?? teach grief groups or something?

life is so good.

life is so hard but it is so worth it.

hey its wednesday. and you know what that means.

dancin' time.

the night we ate 11 desserts..

i love girl friends.

times when it sucks to be a lady:

-instructing people on exercise

-wedding planning

-when you're in a middle eastern country

-when something is heavy

times when it rocks to be a lady:

-going on dates

-dancing

-when approaching a door

-when shoe shopping

on men

im still not done with this lil project. i have to paint the wood and glue all the fabric down. and i freehanded the letters so they didn't turn out pretty. but i love the idea. i'll get better at it.

i love my crooked heart. it took me a month and a half to even look at it.

i unraveled the initials-

and wrote something better over them

i was recently asked my top 5 non-negiotiable qualities in a man. i've been thinking on this ever since i answered. my answers were:

1. babies— this is simple. i want a family. i want babies to snuggle and sing to and teach and love and enjoy. i want a husband that wants this too. that believes in an eternal family. that will be an amazing example to my babies and teach them how to fish and say their prayers.

2. God—i need a priesthood holder. one that wants to be that man not just for me and the kids, but because that what he really wants for himself, in his heart. i want to trust that my husband will seek and follow God, so i can follow him. i want to be sealed in the temple for eternity. i want to kneel in prayer together each day. i want to know that we have the same goals in mind, to return to Heavenly Father, to share the gospel, to live what we believe.

3.temper—this is just not negotiable. this also falls under the respect & communication category. i want someone that speaks with soft tones to me and my babies. that shows their love by controlling the way they come off and sound. i don't want screaming in my house. nothing makes me more uncomfortable then when men get angry—especially if they punch things/throw things/yell. it's just poor communication skills, immature, and unnecessary. and i don't deserve to have that.

4. communication— this is the key. any relationship can be successful if both parties have effective communication skills. i can't stress this quality enough. someone that is open, who can use their words.

5. respect—so much comes into play here. respect for themselves, for others, for their mother, for me. manners, reverence. something i have noticed in men that i date is that i don't always respect each of them, i'm not rude, but you have to really appreciate and respect that person. (i can't do passive men). you have to honor them a lil. you watch what you say and do- that you might show that respect.

and now that im thinking about it, i have about 30 other things to add to this list. but these are really the things that i will not budge on. can't do without.

life is so very good.

love yahs